Scheduled Councleing should he go alone?
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Scheduled Councleing should he go alone?
| Thu, 08-26-2010 - 1:28am |
So I finally got my H to agree to go to MC/IC only after telling him not to come home.. it seems drastic
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((((hugs))))
When I first went to IC for myself I asked the counselor if exh should start MC or IC first. She said he should start IC first because he is the one who chose to have an affair. He needed to deal with this and discover why he made the decision in the first place. He needed repaired before the marriage could be. Maybe you should ask the counselor what she/he thinks?
This is absolutely not your fault! You did not make him do this. He is a grown man who made the choice all by himself. He did not think of you or his family when he did this. It is a selfish act to have an A. If he had problems with you or the marriage he should have come to you first not look outside of your marriage. Having an A NEVER solves anything just makes it worse. That is a line of dodo that somehow you 'drove' him to this. It is sooo common for cheaters to try to blame the spouse for their affair. Somehow, in their minds, it lessens their guilt. I know, crazy right? The anger also serves the same purpose--lessens his guilt, in his mind. We know the truth! An A is all about them, a totally selfish act! Their destructive choices to start it and continue it lies solely with them.
Have you gone to IC? I know it really helped me as well as coming here to listen to the many wise women who have walked in my shoes before me.
Hang in there, take care of yourself and your children,
Ollie
Hi..
I agree with the other posters..The A is all your husbands fault...Dont let him make you feel responsible for something he did...
And the "his anger"..I dont know why when they are caught they are angry..When I questioned my H about one of the girls he was texting he went off the depend...at a later date when we talked about that incident he said he got sooo angry that time because he was scared.... He was scared of losing me.... Now we he had to go off on me and how he thought that would help who knows? Why not just say I am scared or whatever else instead of hiding behind angier?
Good luck to you...I would want to be in the counseling sessions too. My husband has gone with me in the past and those sessions were always the most useful..He would open up in counseling in a way that he wouldnt at home..