She cheated and I dont know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2012
She cheated and I dont know what to do
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 10:34am

I have been married for 5 years this December, we have two beautiful children. Two days ago I found text messages to a guy she has been hanging out with for awhile talking about them sleeping together without a condom, I confronted her about it and she didn't deny it she confirmed my suspicions. She told me the details saying she did it while we were on our trial seperation that ended a couple weeks ago. I then find out that she slept with him after we got back together and lied about alot of details saying it was to protect me. I want us to work out and she had her reasons to do it I just don't know where to go from here, we are leaving in a couple hours for a family vacation to Disney World with our children and I am just torn on going. I know we all make mistakes and God knows I have my share of mistakes. And sadly I have the mentality of not One a cheater always a cheater with my mind set I think What contributed to her choice to betray me - why did they choose infidelity  I dont know if I am just stupid or being rational but she always said she loves him and will cut all ties to him if thats what I want. Please help I need some advice from someone who doesnt know her lol


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 10:09am

As I stated, I absolutely feel that both parties need to deal with the possibility that one or both of them have STD's.  If they don't, they could prolong a spiral that could bring more people into this very unfortunate loop.

Regarding seeking help, 90% of the time, I would wholeheartedly encourage a couple to seek professional help.  To break up an even marginal marriage--especially where children are involved--is a potentially tragic mistake.  In this case, however, the wife is so out of touch with what marriage is about that I see no prospect for saving this sad relationship.  She is mean spritied and a cheater who doesn't appear to have any remorse.  I'll stand by my comment.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 4:45pm

 In my experience most men are very poor at winning a divorce.  They give away too much.  Men usually have not understanding of what they are getting into.  The important thing is to drop finding out detail checking phone, texting etc.  The next is to make a decision.  Once committed to divorce or not then understand how the legal system works.  The idea is to win that absolute best for yourself.  That means getting a barracuda for your lawyer. One who knows all the dirty tricks.  For many men it is uncomfortable. 

   If you do not have the heart for all out, take no prisoners,negotiation then counseling is more advisable.