She gets to be happy while I deal with her betrayal

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
She gets to be happy while I deal with her betrayal
10
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 3:10pm

H and I are working on ourselves and our relationship, but right now I'm having a hard time shaking my focus on my "friend"'s betrayal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Hi lonely- I know it's not healthy to obsess over the affair partner, but if I had a dollar for every time I physically beat her up in my mind I'd be a millionaire! I am so angry at her. I think her deception for me was more perplexing tHan my husband cheating. I think about her everyday. We live 1 mile from their house, we shop at the same stores. I will see her one day face to face. Will she cower in shame? Will she pretend she doesn't see me? How could she look me in the eye knowing what physical acts she and my husband exchanged?

Post dday she and her husband had a happy reconciliation whereas I was experiencing a devastation unlike anything I had ever experienced. That pissed me off. I want her to somehow know what she has done, but how could she? How will she? I want the impossible. And why would we care? They are immoral, untrustworthy, deceptive liars. If they have any humanity in them at all and if they can truly face what they did, than the punishment and the guilt and shame that they inflict on themselves should hurt more than anything I could inflict. No matter what is going on in their lives they are still the same lying cheater they were yesterday, this morning and tonight, what they did can never be erased and if that isn't a hell of their own making than I don't know what is. So you keep your head up. You keep walking forward. Put the work in with your marriage. There is only one way now for you and that is up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010

d/l

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

Hello,

The Betrayed Spouses Support board is meant to be a safe and supportive community for betrayed spouses

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

I"m so sorry you're having to go through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007

your post made me :), especially the "skank ho" part LOL

I'm doing my best to stop with the stalking, but i still get tempted. i might block her so that i cant just check randomly...

i have had all the thoughts youve said but assumed i was just talking myself into believeing them to make myself feel beter. hearing someone else say all those things makes me know that you're right, she's not happy, probably never will be until she gets the help she needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

I'm glad I made you laugh. You need to laugh as much as you can right now because research shows that laughter releases some kind of happy hormones, that I can't think of the name of right now, that helps with anxiety and stress. Also, if you need it, don't be afraid to seek medical help for something to help with sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, if only for a little while. Lack of sleep is very hard on the body and mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
<< ...... because HE is the one who made the committment to you, not her. >>

I get what you're saying, but in the OP's case, the woman was her best friend.

There are no official commitments, of course.... but there's the "code". I think my best friends and I have a commitment to each other not to screw the others' husbands. KWIM?

Anyway, to me the OP has experienced the worst of betrayals on both sides. I might also be more angry at my friend than my husband.

Lonely, I sure am sorry for what you're going through.

What does she fear from you? Her husband already knows.... is she worried about you telling certain other people, or what? It's good for her to be scared.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007

well, she and her husband are

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

"i know we didnt have a "commitment", but you kind of expect one when youre that close with someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
oh, the pair of them are failry f***ed up as it is. the reason theyre divorcing is because he was addicted to pain killers, checked into rehab, met a woman, and cheated on HER while there. youd think the pain of that would have taught her something about not sleeping with married people.