she lives next door

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2011
she lives next door
6
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 3:43pm

I found out about 5 weeks ago that my husband of 10 years cheated with our neighbor. She is much older and also married and I don't think he ever would have told me had her husband not figured it out and told me. We've lived 2 houses from this woman for 8 years and I don't really know her because, to be hosenst, she's trashy and not the kind of person I would ever associate with. I'm having a huge issue with having to see her several times a day and it's become so bad that I'm having panic attacks frequently. It's making everything much harder to cope with and God knows it hard enough to begin with. I haven't decided if I want to stay or not but I have to admit that he's being really incredible about everything. Our house is for sale now because I know I can't stay here for good but how do I deal with her being right in my face every time I step out my front door?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 12:38am
Everybody is right - just remember you didn't do anything wrong, he did, she did. It's so hard to not take it personally, but the truth is what he did had nothing at all to do with you in the first place. It's about willingness and selfishness and inner problems, but THEIRS, not yours. If you haven't seen a therapist, it might do a world of good right now. They can help you see the reality here and not start feeling bad about yourself and end up really depressed. You don't have to make that big decision right now - sit with it until you are SURE what's best for YOU - because you are what counts now. Took me forever to learn what's best for me has never been a priority, it is now.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 9:36am

I know this is hard for you. I can't imagine if my H's XAP lived next door, I would probably spray paint the word wh*re on the side of her house and tell all of the neighbors what they did. Sorry, my H's A brought out some really bad character traits in me that I didn't even know existed.

The xow is just a piece of trash who has no regard for her vows or M. She is a selfish individual who was only thinking about herself. Just imagine giving your all to a man hoping that he chooses you only to be dumped like garbage when the W finds out. That is a pitiful and disgusting position to be in and she chose to be in that position and hide and sneak around with someone else's H. The OW really isn't worth the brain cells that we waste thinking about them. They are treated like a second class individual taking a backseat to the W waiting on the small little crumbs their MM throws their way. It's sad really and we should pity them.

Hold your head high and sell that house and get your family away from her, but also make your H do some real soul searching to determine why he made a decision to bring someone else into his life without your consent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 12:44am

And you have every right to be angry at their selfishness. This is a pretty raw hurt right now and it will take a long time to forgive your H and get over this. This will get easier over time though. Have you thought about marriage counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 5:56pm

Lots of great advice on here. Thanks!

I'm having a really hard time right now with everything and it helps to know that complete strangers are willing to help each other out!!! It's a moment to moment struggle every day and it's hard to imagine a day when it'll be easy again. I am very angry that my life has been changed because of two other poeple's selfishness. I had no say in what has happened to me and had the choice made for me. I am now paying for someone elses mistake and it is all so emotionally overwhelming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 7:16pm

Lovedmylife,

I know this is hard. You have experienced a horrible trauma, but do not give her that kind of power over your life. She is less than nothing to you. Pretend she is invisible if you can. I know it feels quite uncomfortable for you at the moment. ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 6:28pm

Sorry this happened to you lovedmylife. I know how it feels because my H's OW he had an emotional affair with (which didn't turn physical only because she backed out before it did) lives right next door too. The only thing I have done is totally ignore her and never even look her way if she happens to be out there when I leave. I never confronted her (although I will admit that I've