should I be concerned

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
should I be concerned
41
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 9:11pm

So my husband has been working alot, which is good during these times I guess but today I logged onto ebay just to search for some things to buy and I found out he bought a kids toy for a lady he works with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 10:30pm
It is very typical of a WS to try and place blame on the other spouse. He wouldn't be yelling at you if it was an innocent thing.
Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 10:39pm
I find it not very believable that a woman who is an admin. assistant (meaning she must work with computers everyday at work) would not know how to use e-bay. I am not very computer savvy myself, but really it does not take any rocket science to use e-bay. This sounds like a lame excuse to me. It sounds like he is trying to get on her good side, you know impress her with what a nice guy he is. The bad part is that he is getting so defensive about this and that he changed his password. Why would he do that unless he doesn't want you to go on his e-bay and see what he is buying. There are absolutely some red flags here, including the sudden interest in going to the gym and getting in shape. Do you have access to his e-mail account(s) or to his cell phone bill?


Edited 1/30/2009 10:44 pm ET by peaceyma
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 10:48pm

yes and he had to have a new haircut and he called me a psycho and paranoid

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 10:56pm

i told him it think that is wrong, so you are helping a coworker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 1:05am
He is trying to make it look like YOU are crazy and paranoid. This is a very common defense tactic that cheating husbands use to make you doubt your own sanity about your suspicions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 1:06am
He is trying to make it look like YOU are crazy and paranoid. This is a very common defense tactic that cheating husbands use to make you doubt your own sanity about your suspicions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 1:48am

YES, you should be concerned. The gut never lies, if you feel somethings wrong, IT IS. So now it is time to get your proof. I recommend completely stopping all conversations with him about your suspicions so that he thinks you are over it and that you believe him. The reason is that if he thinks you are checking up, he will start deleting all traces of what he's up to (text messages, email, ect). Look at the "catch him cheating" section to get some ideas on how to really know for sure. Remember he will just deny deny deny if you just keep on with your current questioning. You will also need to start planning what you will do once you have the proof to confront him with.


Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 8:52am

From your description

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 2:05pm

Your husband is gaslighting you.



I suggest you look into executing a 180, tell him you are not buying his particular brand of bullsh-t, and he needs to straighten up or he will lose you.



Here's the thing, though, like a lot of addiction issues (and affairs are like an addiction) people can't change until they hit rock bottom. So it may take you actually leaving. Even then, it may take nothing short of being fully busted and having the details of his affair come to light before he can change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 9:39pm

Yep I oh I know.

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