should I check?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
should I check?
6
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:35pm

hi..



for anyone that doesnt know my history..May 2008 find dirty texts sent to my husband by his old highschool friend..Nothing physical she is 20 hrs away.. But he hid the texts and I foundout after i looked on cell, I had a gut feeling.He cuts all ties to her upon my finding out..



Feb 2010 I have another gut feeling..a really bad feeling.. I check his cell phone and it is too clean, I know he is erasing everything..Check cell phone bill and he was texting my friend and also an ex 20 to 100 times daily.... He stopped the texting cause if he didnt I would have walked right out the door..He keeps them on FB which annoys me and hurts but, at least I can see what is being said and it is public...



Things have been going okay..I have not had any bad gut feelings...I still check though...today something caught my eye...We both have blackberrys the same one...and I just realized today that we have gmail chat IM... and I see that is logging on and off during the day, so he must be using it..problem is it isnt me he is iming so who is he isntant messaging???? One of these two girls from Feb??



There is good news..I am one step ahead..after D day in Feb... he changed his passwords and by watching him I have foundout his password to all his accounts and he doesnt know I have them...I actually like it this way... that way if he ever does this to me again he wont know he has to be careful or cover his tracks..I can now get into his yahoo, gmail and facebook accounts!! I could do it by picking up his phone he stays logged into these accounts but he would always know I looked...Now that I can go on the computer it will be less obvious to him...I havent looked in a long time after finding nothing, but I am having that urge to look and he wont be expecting it..



Should I check those accounts???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
In reply to: nda3
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:46pm

I would check. My fiance saves all of his passwords and I can access it anytime.



Although I have to trust him that he doesn't have another account....



Check if that is what your inner voice says.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: nda3
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:57pm

Thank..



I dont have a horrible gut feeling or anything... the two times I caught him carrying on with texting other woman, I had a horrible feeling...



but the question begs an answer...If he isnt iming me on gmail than who is he iming? When i realized my phone had it that is how I discovered he is using it..I am in his contact list so he shows up..Now I am listed as available and have never used gmail chat, I didnt even know I had it...But since I see him keep changing his status as available, not available , away he obviously is active with this account. for me it says forever available cause I never use the darn thing...but

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
In reply to: nda3
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 5:29pm

I am a novice at all of this, I'm sure lots of other people with more experience would have something more significant to contribute BUT I will say this, don't feel confident that you know all his accounts or even all the different services that he's using.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: nda3
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 7:22pm

Hi..



Thankyou sooo much for the input!!!! I realize that he could be communicating with other accounts..I am just thinking that since he doesnt know I have any passwords it would be less likely that he would feel the "need" for hidden accounts...and now I can log on as him and see if I get any "bites"..



as far as not trusting him..I want to trust him very badly...i really do..But he has not done the things I need him too..He has not earned back my trust... He did not openly give me these passwords, I looked over his shoulder as he typed in passwordsl...



He would have to openly give me passwords, take the two girls off facebook and sit down and really admit what he did was wrong... So far none of this has happened....



I never saw the texts he wrote these woman so he still to this day tries to deny and justify what took place...I know deep down he knows it was wrong..I told his mom what happened and it took him 3 months to call her cause he knew she would never accept his explanations and justifications..



I couldnt leave my husband and break up the family without more evidence...I wish to I had seen those texts and than I would know how bad it really was....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
In reply to: nda3
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 10:09pm
i'd still check contacts and chat history.... and just ask who he is talking to online... and have him show you..... builds trust......
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
In reply to: nda3
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 3:30am
You know, there was a time I WOULD have felt it's a betrayal of its own to check up on them.