Should I contact the other woman (LONG)
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 02-09-2010 - 12:01pm|
So I found this board today. And I'm glad that I did. I found out yesterday that my husband cheated on me last year..among other things. Supposedly the affair lasted from Oct of 2008 - June 2009. During that time my husband and I were going through a lot of problems. We were actually on the verge of divorce at that point. It was due to the fact that I had pushed him away and he felt like I wasn't giving him what he wanted. He said he didn't want to be there anymore and he didn't feel it anymore. Well, I guess he found comfort in someone else (and drugs) during that time.
I only found out yesterday b/c the friend of the girl contacted me via Facebook. I had no clue. I was in shock (still am). He said that they were friends, they kissed once but nothing more. According to the friend they did sleep together. He swears they didn't. I suppose most men would say that. I told him that I had to know b/c I needed to know if I needed to be tested or not. That it wasn't just my life at stake it was our 3 year old daughter's too. He looked me in the eye and said that he had not. I gave him numerous occasions to come clean with everything but he stuck by the story. Now, the girl...I did contact her. She said that he couldn't get hard w/ a condom. That's all she gave me. How am I supposed to know that or not cause we've never used one? She said that I could call her if I wanted and talk. At this point I have not. I don't know if I can bare to hear what she has to say or to even hear her voice for that matter.
My husband says that he needed someone to talk to at that point. That he just happened upon her one day and they started talking. That was all it was at first. He had known this girl from back in HS. Anyway, one thing led to another I suppose. He finally ended it cause he said he got the impression that she was going to leave her husband for Jason. And he didn't want that. He still wanted to be married to me and realized he'd made a mistake. He never came to me and told me though. Makes me wonder. He said that things were finally going good for us and he didn't know that he should come clean. So, the husband contacts him and tells him that it was not him that she was messing around with. That yes, they had a friendship, but she was not sleeping with him. It was another guy that she was sleeping with from somewhere else. The husband supposedly said he knew about that affair and that was the reason why he was leaving...but he was still mad at my husband.
I don't know what to believe or think at this point. I just want it all out there and in the open so that we can heal and move past this. I love him with all my heart and I want our marriage to work. We've been through a lot together and I don't want to throw away 12 years and our family. My daughter needs her daddy. The good daddy that she knows.
I want to believe him when he says that he's changed. And that he wants to be here. I guess I have some solace in knowing that the affair did end 8 months ago. But, I'm still hurt beyond belief. And I don't know what to think or feel. My friends all tell me I deserve better and that I need to leave. I don't feel I can. I'm scared.
So my biggest thing...should I contact that lady and ask her to tell me the whole thing? Or should I just assume they did have sex and heal from that. I know that it would mean he's still lying to me. But, I do want to believe him when he says that didn't happen.
I'm just confused, hurt, all the things I know you all have felt or feel.
Thanks for listening.