Should I leave him

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2013
Should I leave him
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 4:37pm

I found out 3 months ago my husband was having an affair. As of now it been going on for 8 months. He is 49 I am 31 and the other women is 27 (she just turned 27 in September ) when I first found out he said he wanted a divorce then he said he wanted to work on it. He said he would end it and still has not. She lives in china which he goes to a few times a year for a family matter but this year he has been there more frequently. He told me before he left in September he would end it and ask for forgiveness but he didn't end it. We have 3 kids ages 7,9&11 together. We also have 2 businesses he leaves me to run while he is gone along with the kids the house and his messed up family drama (a lady 20 years younger than his dad is taking advantage of him while he is ill with cancer) I love him I just don't know what to do anymore about the whole situation . Should I wait for him to end it with her or should I just move on? HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 9:31am

You can't fix something by yourself. He's still spending your family's money to go and mess around with another woman, and could be infecting you with STDs if you're still having relations with him. He has shown you his ethics. He is a cheater and doesn't care enough about you to be faithful. Caring, ethical, mature men who are not happy in a marriage try to fix it with communication and/or counseling. If it's irreperable, they get a divorce, ending one relationship before starting a new one. Get an attorney and file for divorce. You deserve a faithful man who treats you like the treasure you are. Give yourself a good year or two of being alone without a man and learn to be happy by yourself before sharing your happiness with another guy. I'm sorry this has happened to you. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 2:21pm

wow .. I dont even know how to respond to this but your issues and your Hubby must go way back .

He does sound like a serial cheater and wont stop? Heck. he doesnt even care and that sounds like he is somewhat sociopathic.. There must be a history of his behavior that you might have known about but ignored.. hey I have been there myself.

Yes I would if I were you get into counseling and go as often as it will help you.. Also find some support groups to get through this and also yes find a really good lawyer and see what they say and what advice they have for you.. sounds like financially if you split the business and all you will be okay... You will also get child support.. Heck if you are doing this all alone now and without him then you can do it if he is totally out of the picture. You might even do better when you heal because you wont have all of that emotional baggage..

well there is a betrayed spouse board on here you may want to check out also.

Oh;and surround yourself with good family and friends to help you heal at this time.

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Fri, 12-27-2013 - 8:13pm

I would ask you 'why you value him more than yourself'?  I ask that with as much Luv as I can send your way.

You are doing ALL of the hard work and he is reaping ALL the benefits.  His life sounds like fun, full of adventure and a young female waiting.  You are doing all of the hard work and continue to wait.

i can not tell you to do what I was not strong enough to do - but what I can offer is this - if you want to find yourself turning 64 living with a husband who continued to cheat for as many years as we have been married  continue to wait.  BUT

if you believe you are deserving of the best life has to offer see him for what he is and NOT what you want him to be 

He has  shown you what he is BELIEVE HIM!  I know it hurts, but trust me the hurt will continue as long as you allow him to be the captain of your ship.