Should I tell everyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Should I tell everyone?
12
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 5:04pm

D-Day was about a month ago. He is still seeing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 5:19pm
...I would definitely let the girlfriend know that he's trying to keep you hanging on...that may end that little affair (sorry) right there...especially if you have proof...other than that...if you want him out of work, tell his workplace...if you want to alienate him from family members that may hold a grudge even if the two of you
work things out...tell them...same with friends...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 5:35pm
I do worry he would lose his job if I tell his workplace about the affair, or at least lose some work friends or his reputation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 6:45pm

He should have to deal with the consequences. He shouldn't, however, have to deal with revenge, which is what this sounds a bit like. My situation is quite a bit different in that everyone he worked with and most of his family knew about the A before I did, so the only people I could really "tell" were people that would side with me and be angry and judgmental. Which would only serve in causing him pain, not in alleviating mine.

In your situation, I think you might be better off telling the OW that he is still talking to you about a reconciliation. The downside to that is that if SHE then ends it... well, you're getting sloppy seconds. Can you live with that?

Another option might be making the first move in starting divorce proceedings, since he doesn't seem 100% on board with the notion of rebuilding. The problem with this is that if you're bluffing and he calls it... well, you're getting a D. Can you live with that?

Or you could give him what you consider a reasonable deadline (i.e., 24-48 hours to END the A, initiate NC, etc.), after which point you will call an attorney, but again, it would have to be something you're willing to stand by.

And you should NOT be willing to stand by and be the 3rd person in your marriage, THAT'S for damn sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 6:51pm
I would do what is right for YOU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2009
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 7:53pm

NO, I didn't tell everyone--only a close girlfriend who I knew I could trust.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 10:21pm

His waffling and discussing reconciliation has been for about 3 weeks,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 11:06pm

HI, It looks like your DH is fencesitting. Have you seen the "180" that gets bumped up on this board from time to time? You may want to instigate it in your situation. As long as he knows you are waiting in the wings, he may just stall and stall as he may enjoy having two woman by his side.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 8:03am

Do you want to try to have another relationship with this man? The old relationship is dead! Do you have children? If you want him out of your life then it seems like the answer to his question about "what has to happen to get us back together?" is easily said (not easily felt) "I don't want us to get back together" but if that is what you DO want, then it seems like the answer to the question could be "if we are to begin anew, we need to have the relationship between just us, your other woman will have to leave the picture for good" he may decide he doesn't want to do that.. in which case you have settled it for yourself...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 8:57am
I can understand that you don't believe in divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 9:11pm

I just reread your post and man is it good!

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