This shouldn't be so hard :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
This shouldn't be so hard :(
21
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:46am

I'm so so so so sad today, after being motivated by so much anger yesterday :(

Just so sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 10:16pm

Thank you, CH for the kind words.

My children are grown and moved out.

I remember telling a friend fifteen years ago...I don't want to be fifty and still waiting for it to get better...and I am almost fifty and STILL waiting for it to get better :( I was trying to think about my past, and you know....he has chronically kept me guessing. From the beginning. I've been forgiving (or stupid?) and just believed him. My children kept me here...I used to be in a predicament with him & say *tick.tock* and he never knew what it meant...I knew that if it was still like this when my youngest left (I have two girls, seven years apart) that I would make the move. His timing was impeccable.

He came and sat beside me on the sofa today as I was looking on craigsllist and said...what are you looking for...I had it open to a sofa (everything we have is to scale for a 4000 sq. ft. house - i'm moving into a SIGNIFICANTLY smaller place!) he said...WHY!? both living rooms have sofas...I said...uhmmm...for my apartment. I have broached the subject a couple times - of my moving. He said YOU'RE MOVING? what is WRONG with him? I mean REALLY? I said Steven we need to really talk about this. He got up and went and got this big tub of friggin CHEEZ DOODLES AND CAME AND SAT AND ATE THEM...then said...will you give me a foot massage WTH? it's flippin crazy makin'...this was at 7pm...I said...we really need to talk about this, let's go for a drive? come sit with me...nope..HE WENT TO BED!

I don't want to leave hating him, I really don't...but, the man is making me NUTS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 10:41pm
You mean you didn't indulge him in a foot massage whilst he ate his CHEEZ DOODLES? LOL He sounds like a real nut bag sinfiniti.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 11:55pm
I am soooooooooooo mad. F'er. I came downstairs after he told me he was near death from tiredness....F'ER WAS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 12:48pm

**sigh** and now today, i'm wondering if i'm not wrong.

is this what a nervous breakdown feels like AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i need drugs.

or chocolate.

pie.

cake.
vodka?

lol
if anyone walks in my office and sees me over in the corner lickin' my hands you'll know it's from me using my Purell hand sanitizer that smells JUST like lemon vodka and that i've reached my breaking point...and trying to get ANY remnant of alcohol into my system....THAT'S the kind of day I'm having lol and I don't even DRINK! well...that one bottle of wine in 5 years. but, really I don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:21pm
So he was too tired to go for a ride with you and then he ended up leaving and going out? He's really being a jerk right now. The good thing is that your kids are grown and gone so you don't have that huge added issue to deal with if you leave. Yeah I think i'd go thru with getting that apt. if I were you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:36pm

oh, I'm definitely gonna. oh i was WILD... and then he calls to say GOOD NIGHT...."just letting you know i'm ok" i said "what makes you think i wanna KNOW you're ok, plus you interrupted George Norry. goodnight." he doesn't know that GN is a radio show so today he asked me again who george norry is -- i'll keep him guessing.

he said today. if i stay home every night this week, to prove to you there's no one else, just me and the boys playing cards ... will you reconsider this move. i said "i'll reconsider a lot of things and you can go out all you want if you give me your phone for a week, right this second...don't message or text or anything from it RIGHT NOW..." he said "how about i smash it" so i KNOW some kind of doo doo is going on...i can check his voice mail whenever i want...not his texts, she's INFAMOUS for texting him & sending nasty a$$ pics **shudder**

anyone remember that movie WAR OF THE ROSES? i'm sitting here looking at this gorgeous deep deep burgandy, almost black leather sofa that we JUST bought...but, it's not in any way going to fit in my apartment...you think if I chainsaw it in half I could push an end table up against it and make it look like OK? lol i look around my beautiful home and i'm SO pist off at him right now -- cuz there is NO way I could do this on my own :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:44pm
...it's good that you can make light of some of this...he's something else...good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 3:08pm

The alternative to laughing is crying.
If I start crying, I might not stop.

He is a hot mess. I can't wait to get outta here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 7:39pm
Yeah, but as always these men act like jerks UNTIL they know you are really SERIOUS about leaving, THEN they quickly change their tune. That's when the crying and begging start. My H did not realize HOW serious I was about leaving until I threw his phone across the room and started pulling suitcases out of the closet. He had promised to stop talking to his EA girlfriend, and about a month later I had a weird feeling and decided to look at his phone when he was sleeping (he did not know I jotted down her number before I made him delete it the first time) and lo and behold there it was ONLY it was under a mans name and that's what led to the huge blowout with the phone flying across the room. He's never seen me SO HOT before and I think it freaked the bejesus out of him. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 11:13pm

Sinfiniti.

Sorry it's been awhile since I've been online. I'm on vacation with the family and haven't been able to post. I hope things are working.out the way you would like them to. Men are such strange creatures. Does your H get why you want to leave yet? Have you left? Anyway my best to you. Right now my H is really trying hard to be what I he thinks I want him to be. I have to say it's really nice. Only problem is I can't forget what he did so it sorta spoils the effort he is making. I keep these feelings to myself of course. I just
wish I could forget and enjoy his efforts. Oh well, time will tell. Happy 4th. I hope you enjoy yourself whatever you have planned.

CrazyHeart422

Hurts have taught me never to give up loving
Be willing to take another risk and chance, otherwise tomorrow may be empty.

Hurts have taught me never to give up loving Be willing to take another risk and chance, otherwise tomorrow may be empty.