Sickened to the core

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2010
Sickened to the core
25
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 2:09pm

Ive read here for the past couple of days and have finally worked up the courage to post.

Been married 6 years and have 2 children. I love my husband with all my heart and can not imagine not having him in my life. I've known him since we were teens and have always loved him and figured that we would be together for the rest of our lives... Lately he has been having to work late on the weekdays and has to go inoto work on the weekends as well.. Seems to want to hang out with a couple of his single guy friends when he has any spare time. As you can imagine, that's zero time we have together..and anytime we do have, hecstays to himself and stays on his side of the bed.

He's been totally absent of our marriage and the kids and says he feels trapped and that our lives we live are uninteresting and boring. (ouch). A couple of days ago I walked in on him in the bathroom as he was getting out of the shower and noticed that he has scratches all over both of his shoulders by his back. I became suspicious when he said he didn't know where they came from and decided to break into his email account to see if there was anything I could find and I found emails from her.. The last one was responding back to him assuring him of how much she loves him too and worse of all, she apologizes for sratching up his shoulders, but that she could not deal with all the pleadeure she got from having his head between her thighs and feeling his tongue working on her ( sorry if TMI) I still feel like I have to VOMIT everytime I visualize this. I have not been able to eat, slee or discuss this with him. He does not know that I know yet. I feel like I'm dying

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 2:55pm

Oh hon,


You are so not alone and you have come to a great place...I am new here too, been 3 weeks since I found out and it is like Day 1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:01pm

(((HUGS))) summer and I'm so very, very sorry that you're dealing with this. There's nothing I can say that can ease your pain, but these links may give you some guidance as you work through all of this:


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:02pm

hugs and welcome.

I know this is hard. I know your pain is real.

Have you thought about talking to a therapist? or someone who can help you sort out your feelings and thoughts?

You might want to try a journal and write things down. Make a list of things you want and dont want.

Your going to have to talk to your H about this soon, its going to eat you alive. Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 7:07pm

Thanks to all that responded.

I cant tell you how much the support means to me right now...I confronted him and he basically lied tp my face. I then showed him proof of the emails i printed up and he broke down, crying and telling me that he loves her. He has tried to stop, but cant help himself...They are soul-mates, best friends and that she just "gets him". He feels trapped in our marriage and doesnt feel like the family life suits him. Doesnt want to be home every night with me and kids, wants to be able to come and go as he pleases, travel when he wants and basically not have any responsibilities..HELLO YOU HAVE 2 CHILDREN AND A WIFE!! She doesnt have any children, has unlimited freedom and is apparently able to travel the world at a drop of notice. My heart feels like its been ripped out of my heart right now. I cant bear the thought that my children will have to deal with the consequences of his selfish behavior. And worse, even if i could convince him to go to marriage counseling, i dont think that i will EVER be able to forgive him of this. I kicked him out and he is apparently staying with her at her house..I think that he is finally almost happy that its out in the open and that he doesnt have to sneak around anymore..He loves her and i dont know how to compete with that..I thought he would love me forever.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 12:08am
The best advice I can give you is to let him see if the grass is greener on the other side. He thinks he is in love with her now and at this point there is going to be no reasoning with him cause when someone thinks they are in love, there is no reasoning with them. They are in a state of temporary insanity when in love. However this feeling doesn't tend to last beyond a few months. Once he lives with her 24/7, the newness and excitement will quickly fade and he will see all her faults and not be so enthralled with her anymore. He will also start to miss his family and will start feeling guilty about it. That is unless of course he is a narcisist and has no feelings for anyone but himself. I would give this whole thing some time and go see a lawyer in the meantime to see what you would be entitled to as far as spousal and child support if it don't work out. Many men do leave their family for the OW only to find out the grasser is not greener with OW and end up coming back to their family. Just keep in mind that he is NOT in his right mind now and don't make any rash decisions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 8:23am

So very sorry summer, (((((hugs))))

I would suggest that you speak to an attorney. Even if you do not divorce you will know where you stand financially. You may be able to have some child support or spousal support put in place to help you while you are separated. Your H may want to have his "freedom" from responsibilities but he is still a father and will have to step up to the plate and take care of his children.

Hang in there, we are all pulling for you!

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 11:31am

HUGS

I have to agree with ollie---- you need to talk to an attorney and see what would be best for you and the kids.

Hang in there we are here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 2:09am

First of all...HUGS to you. This is going to be hard, hard, hard, but you will find support and care here from those who "get" what you are feeling so keep posting away whenever you feel the need.


I have to agree with poster #6. Your H is in the deep thick fog of affair fantasyland. He has been able to escape from "real life" with OW but in time he will most likely find that a 24/7 relationship is a far cry from the secret illicit "fun" he has been having. The poster said that your H will begin to see that OW is not the perfect princess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2010
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 2:34am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 7:12am

Its been about a year since Dday.

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