Simply Angry and disgusted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Simply Angry and disgusted!
17
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 2:50pm
OK....Jeez. I'm in a tail spin today! Yesterday my H was complaining about sitting in traffic and all the driving he does back and forth to work, how long it takes blah, blah, blah. I had just come from a Dr. appt with my daughter who is 6 and had to have warts frozen off her finger. It was very traumatic and painful for her. As I was listening to him complain I thought you drove more than half way across the city for two months in traffic to get "some" from your OW but somehow that was worth sitting in traffic? That was worth the drive and aggravation and now here I am sitting listening to how you have to endure traffic day in and day out to get to and from work??? This from a man who will drive an extra few miles to save a few cents on gas? REALLY!!! Some days I just can't take it. It's been 4 months since I discovered his A and I'm doing the best I can to deal with the daily horror and he's upset about traffic??? I exploded on him this morning over it, told him how I felt and instead of just supporting me and understanding the outburst he got angry and said how can you associate that with the A? Doesn't he get that everything seems to be associated with the A. Damn him and damn all of those spouses who cheat!!! Need a some words of wisdom to calm me down. Today I want to run as far away from this horrid mess as I can. Then I think about my little girl, 14 years of marriage, over 20 years together, what divorce would be like, having to "share" my little girl etc. What to do????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 3:58pm
Oh, did I mention that I'm so jealous of his ability to laugh and enjoy things when I can barely smile! The rage is pretty intense today..it's exhausting!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:16pm

Boy do I feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 6:05am

kapyp



They..the WS...don't get it for a while and some not at all. Triggers for the meltdowns can be anything b/c like you said the A affects everything. I am just now getting to the point where I don't go over the deep end if I find something the least bit...maybe ...almost...suspicious. I think put it aside and think through it...don't deal with it now and when I do get back to it...so far, I find it is not anything and I am back on track. When I say this, I mean back on track for me to be at peace one day and go from day to day without this affecting me. I am not there yet. At 4 months, I was a total complete basket case...you sound much better than me at 4months...try to focus on YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER, not him when you have these days.



I know mine saw the physical effects on me, a huge weight loss, anxiety, the breakdowns and knows he caused this and it does hurt him. He does not, however, understand how little things are still affected by the A...how it will never really go away for me. I think they can block it out ..put it in the past b/c they have control over whether it happens again..we will never know/trust that it will not happen again and that sense of no control causes the anxiety...getting past that...having control over other aspects of life

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 6:18am

dadfor6



I am older than you and 1 year...almost ...from dday. I do not profess to know the best way to deal with this...still searching for my own peace.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 9:39am


Thanks crossroads & dad! I do appreciate both of you at this really confusing and troubling time. I've never been a great decision maker and am not a big fan of change. Some choice they left us with huh? Leave and break up our families or live with this the rest of our lives? Yesterday was H's birthday. I got him gifts, made him a cake etc. like I always have, my daughter was very excited. She made me hide in the kitchen and jump out and yell surprise when H came home from work. I thought, is this our last birthday together as a family? Then I thought, "I wonder if the OW emailed him on his birthday?" I hate those feelings. These special events should not be tainted like that. I thought, "they'll always be tainted" I'm not looking forward to the holidays because I know those thoughts will pop in! He didn't deserve presents, a cake, cards!!!! He knew it too! I did it all for my little girl to keep things as normal as possible. I know she feels something. The other day she said, "Mommy, why doesn't Daddy like you?" Broke my heart, truly. I said "oh no, daddy likes me just fine, all parents argue sometimes, it's no big deal". Someone once said on this board or another, that it's better for a child to come from a broken home than to be living in one. Hmm...pretty powerful. I wonder if I'm doing more damage by staying? I hate being put in this position!

Dad...I'm praying for you. I'm not an overly religious person but as they say, "there are no atheists in foxholes".

Crossroads, God bless you for making it through the last year without completely losing your mind.

Geez...I'm full of cliches today. Hope you both have good thoughts today and that there is some laughter and peace soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
Fri, 10-08-2010 - 7:55pm

Funny how they can go on as usual when our heads are spinning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 5:33pm

If you ask him he will no doubt DENY. I would try to

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 11:59am

Hi. I don't post very often, but I have been around for a while. I am 16months since Dday. I've been married for almost 23 yrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 8:57am

imafoolinlove

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 12:10pm

kapyp

I'm so sorry you feel your

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