so confused, i think i'm not going to ma

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2010
so confused, i think i'm not going to ma
14
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 2:08pm
my husband of 6 yrs. just had 2 month affair. i thought we were perfect for each other, soul mates. now he say.s he doesn't know what to do and wants time to make up his mind about us. we have 2 beautiful daughters and i can't stand to think to raise then alone. i don't want that for them. he's a wonderful father. it breaks my heart into thousand pieces whenever i look into his beautiful face. i can't eat or sleep. i lost so much weight, it's hard for me to look at myself. i'm still so madly in love with him but he tells me i have to digest what has happen to us and think straight be strong for the girls. i can't do any of this. i'm nothing without him. i'm so scared. help!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 2:35pm

Now that your husband has already admitted to you and wanting to get some time from you to make a decision on his end.And, you are totally in love with him and don't want to spend the rest of your life without him. In that case, I would sincerely recommend you to read this book as soon as possible (either buy it or read it today, in the library/book store)

Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Infidelity-Affair-Proof-Marriage-Relationship/dp/0609810006/ref=bxgy_cc_b_text_a

This book has everything that you need to know/learn/solve this situation of yours - I hope that you read it ASAP.

Without any doubt, please go and read it. Rather waiting here to discuss your Whys & Hows - Its good to discuss but read this book first!

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 2:51pm
Another selfish adulterer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 3:11pm
you have it all wrong
it is he who is nothing without you
he is a liar/cheater not so beautiful on the inside
you should be proud that you were straight up honest and good to him and you are much more than meets the eye you have a real core and a moral compass etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2010
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 3:43pm
i honestly don't know if he has ended with ow. when i found out he said he wanted his family back then told me he changed his mind. i called her to confront her to see how deep their relationship was and they both admitted being in love. he was soo furious i called her and said that we weren't going to work then i begged and he said he will end it with her the told me 2 days later that he needs time to sort this out. i'm so scared of pushing him. i don't want to drive him away. do u think if i wait it out he'll come back to me? i can't do this with out him. we have to take our kids to disney world and go on romantic vacations together. i don't know my life without him. we met in out early 20s and been together for 8 yrs. help!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 4:07pm

you are in a place i was in 4 years ago. i am sensing that you are having feelings of desparation and so, because of what i am reading in your words i want to reach out and share with you part of my journey.

4 years ago i was you. i was lost, confused, lonely, sad, crying, not wanting to even think about going on and so i attempted to take my own life. fortunately for me i was found in time and when i awoke i was so glad i had been found and my life saved. i was glad not for my children, or for my husband, BUT FOR ME. i know that may sound strange, but i have been to the edge and i know the feelings.

your love for your husband should not be confused with your love of life. nor should it be confused with your need to love yourself. care enough about you that you fight to hang on and find away.

think of it this way - what if he would have died - you would have gone on right? you would have found a way. and so you must now. you must begin to make yourself stand up straight and think clearly. you must begin to find ways to help you want to live each day fully. PLEASE LISTEN TO ME, you are important. not only for your daughters, but more importantly for you. right now you are feeling overwhelmed, like your world is ending. well i have a real shocker for you IT IS NOT.

i have a 411 for your husband and his mr johnson also. all that glitters is not gold. once the fog of the affair, the attention, the excitement, the newness of it begins to rub off he is going to be the one standing there looking back at the man in the mirror wondering "what the hell did i just do".

i encourage you to read as many posts on this board and the 'life after betrayal" and 'all sides of the affair' boards. read them all, some will piss you off, some will make you cry, some will make you think, some will even make you laugh - BUT ALL WILL HELP IN THEIR OWN WAY.

we are a sisterhood of betrayed, and yes there are even a few brothers sprinkled in.

i will post more to you later, but just wanted to let you know that you are worthy of being loved in the right way. you are deserving of better than you are being treated. did you watch the tiger press conference? i would recommend that you suggest that your husband download it on utube and watch it, WATCH IT ALL AND LISTEN TO ALL THAT HE HAD TO SAY.

until today, if i would have seen tiger woods on the street i would have run his sorry ars over, then when looking in the rear view mirror if i saw even a twitch i would have put my car in reverse and backed over him yet again. however, when i watched him this am i cried. yes, i cried. in my humble opinion he gets it - yes there is alot of pain back there but he gets it.

look up the 180* list on this board. download it, live by it. it helps.

until later.........................

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 7:55am
The worst thing to do is BEG!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2010
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 12:06pm
thanks so much for your kind words. yesterday, my husband told me that he only told me i needed to have patient to give him time to think so he could let me go easy and not hurt me so much. when did he think it will stop hurting? he said he doesn't love me but care deeply about me. he loves her. i never thought of my life without him. i've not told any one about this whole thing. not my sister, my friends, or my parents. why do i feel so ashamed? one week is not enough to fall out of love. i don't feel strong enough. i think i will still obsess over him when i'm no longer living with him. how do i pack my things? how do i sort through the pictures? what do i tell the girls? how do i tell them daddy won't move with us and he won't come home everyday? i was always there for him. how could he do this to me? we were looking to buy a house together. to start a new life in the burb. even after he told me all the things yesterday, i still just want to run into his arms. i want to hold him and be held. i want him to call me baby and all the names he used to call me. i'm was never sunhee to him. how do i deal with this madness? i think i rather have him be dead. then at least, i don't have to imagine him with ow. i don't have to think about THEM while i'm lying in my bed at night alone. i can't make the move to actually move on. i break down everytime i think about it. i got a tattoo last week. i liked the pain. it took away the pain i felt inside just for alittle bit. i'm thinking about getting more. am i going crazy? i was also thinking about getting breast implant. did he leave me because i'm not beautiful enough. i tried so hard after two kids, i'm not fat, actually i'm very fit. not a stretch mark. i'm dress well. my hair looks good. i'm funny. was confident. now i just feel like a failure. how do i tell my loved ones we are getting divorced when just a week ago i said how lucky i am to have everything i have. i know after yesterday, i need to find a way to move on but i don't know how. how do i stand staight when my my inside is broken beyond repair? how do we start the separation process? we are so intertwined in everyway except love now. i can't lie--i'm secretly hoping he'll come back and soon. i think i'll take him back no matter when he comes back. why am i not strong enough. why can't i be more like him? he's so matter fact. i think i'm going to die of starvation and sleep deprivation. maybe i'll welcome it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 8:34pm

I'm missing something, why would you allow another person to have power over your life's path? Isn't this journey about taking the path of highest good and hoping that others travel with you for periods of time? We come into this world alone, and we leave alone and somewhere in the middle we love and hate and all the emotions in between.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2010
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 2:52am
i know you're right in every way. i know what i have to do in my head but my heart won't allow it. it keeps on hoping. i'm so scared about what future holds for my broken family now. how can i love and care for my daughters when i can't do it for myself. why am i so weak? i thought that if my husband ever cheated on me i would throw him out the door without looking back. i thought wrong. it was easy to imagine without experiencing it. i hate myself for being this way. it's been about a week, how long does it take to hate him? i don't think i can do it without some kind of hate. and it's hard to hate when he melts your heart with just one look. i don't think i'll come out of this whole.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 8:50am
good morning! I don't know if you have any reality police in your life... those people that love you and help you pick yourself up and show you the things you don't want to see.

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