Good advise from peaceyma. Do nothing rash for at least 6 months, 1 year even better.
Get angry, be in a justified rage (not in front of the kids), do whatever it takes for you to stay strong. Don't keep emotions bottled up. Talk about it, as much as YOU need to. You both need to work on the relationship, but the burden and heavy lifting is his to carry. You need to take care of yourself while he does the heavy lifting. He did this to you. He disrespected you. He needs to clean up this mess, with your help - not the other way around.
It will be his actions, not his words, that will regain your trust. It is not for you to trust him, it is for him to act trustworthy.
Yes, generally men have sex (and maybe emotional attachment); women have emotional attachment (and maybe sex). He jeaprodised your marriage. He hurt you in ways he cannot comprehend. But in the process of losing your trust, he also lost his honor, he lost his integrity. He needs a good whack across the back of his head: "What the f*ck were you thinking?"
In truth, he really was NOT thinking of you at the time; thoughts of you were never in his mind. It was not about you, but it IS about him.
Remember, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. He did this to you. IF he is truly remorseful (not just regret), then you have a very good chance of coming through this together. Don't forgive prematurely. Observe his actions, but don't believe his words.
It will never be the same as before, but you can be together again happily.
Stay strong, do the 180, and take care of yourself.
David in Oregon
Hi Mommy: Really good advice here from peaceyma and David. I have been on board here for way too long and have seen that it really is true that it just does not work to try to make any decisions in the first few months. You are still in the raw stages of the trauma so please allow yourself time to let it all settle and you will find that ever so slowly each day gets a tad bit easier to get through.
For myself, I have been through two ddays and it took about 4-6 months until the worst of the emotions started to subside and clearer thinking would take over. I did have to get some meds though to take the edge off when the going got too tough.
The Beatles song "LET IT BE" was what I listened to when I just needed some peace when feeling torn up.
You are going to be ok, but make sure to post away when you need to vent vent vent. The WS will never really be able to understand what they have done to our hearts, but those here surely do.
You're still BLEEDING, and you're being far too hard on yourself.
i both hear and feel your pain..
We seem to be in the same position.