So sad to be back.
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|Sun, 12-29-2013 - 9:45pm|
This site pretty much saved my life TWENTY years ago when I found out my husband was having a year-long affair. It was shortly after our marriage and I was beyond devasted. Initially I was the pathetic reverse of the 180. When I think back I am horrified and embarrased by my neediness. But after about a month of weight loss, sleeplessness, and self-hatred, I began to see clearly. Because I dragged myself to a psychiatrist and got meds, counseling, and group therapy. And there actually came a day when I looked at him and said "go". "Go be with her if thats what you want. I will be okay, But you can't have us both."
He ended it and we have been married 21 years. I trusted him. I never checked his cell phone, I thought that would be an invasion of privacy (although I know he has looked thru mine many times). We built a life together and had kids. I have always kept myself thin and pretty. I gave him sex and love. I am fun and funny and adventurous. Some men have actually told me that I'm "the whole package" whatever that means. Apparently nothing at all.
He gave me his phone a month ago because his nephew was asking to speak to me. I have never even held his phone. After our conversation, some sense of intuition told me to look thru it.
Needless to go into great detail, but she is the 20 year old version of me (now 48). He claims he never slept with her. But they maintained a long distance relationship over TWO years. He gave her money when we were struggling badly, and told her some of my deepest secrets. He called her sweetie and dear and they talked of how they missed each other,
All this while we were on vacation. And financially struggling. And making love. Laughing, crying, and just...being married. He sent her pics of our children. And she sent him pics as well....
I was heartbroken. Supposedly he ended it. But whatever. How many others have there been that I didn't catch? How many others will there be in the future? Everyone says "Oh he loves you so so much and he is so good to you!" That is true. But my self esteem is wrecked. I feel angry. I feel like I want to retailiate.
Then I read the 180 tonite. I swear it will save me.
God bless to all who find themselves in these aweful circumstances. Thank you for reading.