Something to add to Pater's post

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Something to add to Pater's post
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 12:52pm

Sorry, I can't post any comments (not authorized apparently!) And I can only post in the body of a message on my computer, not my phone (but I digress).


I would add sleep to your list of things to help during initial shock of finding out about an A. So many of us go days without any that our decision making can become erratic at best. Even if you have to reach out to your doctor for meds to help your body needs to shut down and sleep in order for you to have time to rest from all the thoughts running through our heads.

I know the first several days I went on little to no sleep and my doc gave me something.  At least after a good day of being rested physically, I was able to think clearer.

As always Tom, I for one am grateful you post here. One for a man's perspective and two for your wisdom and insight and actually hope that things can get better.


Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 10-21-2012 - 9:13am


Yeah, I forgot to add sleep. Good catch. I remember going many weeks on only a few hours of fitful sleep each night and how that negatively affected my ability to reason. What a nightmare. Here we are, stressed out of our minds. We have what are possibly the most important decisions of our life to make and we can’t sleep or eat which only exacerbates our ability to cope with the problem. 

I remember that I would wake up, and for a few seconds believe/hope that it was only a bad dream, only to look around and realize, nope, this disaster is my real life.  

Thanks for the kind words. I'm still so amazed at the wisdom and kindness I found on these boards back in those first months after d-day. I was really a mess and people here really gave me things to consider. I remember someone "baby stepping" me through the 180 and explaining in detail why I shouldn't follow my spouse around the house asking her why she was cheating on me and and insisting that she apologize to the kids. Ugh! I was doing all of it wrong. 

I've been sitting here thinking about what I could do to pay forward the kindness that strangers so freely offered me. The boards seemed to be having problems so I thought it might be important to have a thread with good general information sitting there while the boards sort themselves out

Maybe when you are able to comment again you can add your thoughts on "Sleep" to that thread.



We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.