Soon to be husband inappropriately texts women

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Soon to be husband inappropriately texts women
Fri, 11-09-2012 - 6:53am

Hi, writing this out makes me feel foolish.

My soon to be husband has been secretly messaging other women inappropriately in the last year and maybe longer.
I found out last night from my best friend that he was sending her messages about her ass and having a threesome with her involved, she told him numerous times that he was crossing the line and to stop, apparently this happened sometime in the last year.

When I told him his reply was "this sounds selfish but I am relived that you now know and I will do anything to not lose you"..

Throughout our relationship he's always been paranoid that I've been doing things behind his back when this entire time I find out he just has a guilt consious.

I gave him ONE LAST CHANCE and a time frame of two weeks to talk to someone about his issues. And if anything else comes up I am gone.
I feel embarrassed and betrayed but I do love him and want to work on things.. and just so you all know we got engaged last January.

I'm writing to ask advice if I am doing the right thing here by giving him a chance or am I being ridiculous?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Mon, 11-12-2012 - 2:26pm

Thank you all for your messages.

My friend is not lying, and he fully admitted everything. We had a weekend full of disscussion and he gave me access to everything and agreed to seek help. This will start in the next two weeks.

I agree that I should run, but I do love him and will give him this one last chance. We will be doing councelling seperatly and together. If anything else comes up I expressed I would be gone.

I also agree with everyone that I should not marry him, and I won't unless I FULLY trust him.

Thank you all again

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008


It sounds like you are taking some really mature steps here. I hope things work out for you whatever your choices are. Let us hope that this is a big wakeup call for him.


We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 11-13-2012 - 3:08am
Your very smart insisting on counseling and not marrying him unless you FULLY trust him again. You need to trust him 100% before you marry him, and especially before you have kids with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 7:37pm
Problem here: If he gets bored he'll do it again. Think about that.