Spousal Rape..Advice please..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Spousal Rape..Advice please..
4
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 10:35am

Ok, this whole situation is kinda complex...I suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder.And a few months ago I attempted suicide by overdose...I begged and begged my husband not to take me to the hospital because I knew that they would put a "Baker Act" on me....he tried to keep me awake and talking to him for hours...well somewhere in the course of

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 10:09am

Hi alinecamille,

I just wanted to give you the link to the Rape & Suicide board -- you might check it out.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 7:55am

Camille,

Hi. My two cents as a sufferer of depression and anxiety.

First, your husband should not have "taken advantage of you" while you were out of it. That's still poor judgement and whether he regrets it or not, it was wrong. Sometimes I think men put the sexual act in such a separate category they don't actually think of it as a mutual decision. It is very good he regrets his actions, confessed to you and consented to marriage counseling. Now there will be consequences and I hope it doesn't cost him his career and his marriage. I think you need to give him credit for "fessing up" and both of you will have to do a lot of work to get through this period in your marriage.

That said....

Second, the fact you "don't remember it" and were "so out of it" means YOU have a lot of work to do to manage your mental illness. I'm not saying "snap out of it." We both know that's not it. It's about taking charge of your care, medically, mentally, and emotionally to get a handle on your illness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 1:14pm
I hate to say this to a rape survivor, but your judgment is not sound right now. You attempted suicide, then cared more about not being involuntarily committed than about getting necessary medical attention. Those are not the behaviors of a person who should be making big life decisions at the moment.

Your husband reacted VERY weirdly to your suicide attempt. I don't care what my husband said to me. If I found him slipping into unconsciousness, I'd be taking him to the hospital. I wouldn't be trying to have sex with him. I guess it's possible he panicked and made some bad decisions, but wow. Really bad decisions.

Anyway, don't leave him because your family is telling you that you should. I'd actually say you should put your marriage issues on the back burner until you're healthier, as long as he isn't doing anything to hinder your recovery. Get to a point where you can trust your gut, then make your decision. It's completely your choice to make. Just do yourself the favor of being in a good place mentally when you make it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 12:08pm

My advice would be to do whats in your heart .It sounds like he did take advantage of your situation, BUT, he did feel bad enough about it to tell you what happened afterwards, which tells you he was honest and remorseful about it. Only YOU should decide where to go from here. If you feel this is something you can work through then that is what you should try to do, whether it's with marital counseling or on your own. Do not let anyone else influence you or tell you what to do. That is a decision that you (after much soul searching) should come to on your own. My biggest concern in this situation is YOU and what are you going to do to assure yourself that this (attempting suicide) won't happen again.