Spouse cheated 2x and left me for OW. Now what?
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|Wed, 07-16-2014 - 10:37pm|
Hi. I'm new to the board and found it by accident, but have been reading and finding great topics and advice for spouses that have been cheated on.
Five days ago, my H confessed that he had been keeping me on a string and had been dating another woman in another state for 2 months. He worked up in the oil fields of North Dakota, then bought a bar with another person, (female biz partner). We had a construction company and we were planning to purchase another. The first week of April, my daughter and I went to visit for a week. He seemed glad to see us, took us sight seeing, took us to a construction site, etc. During this week, I met his biz partner, who was actually a very nice person. She had a best friend that she was bringing in to help with the bar. I met the best friend the last day my daughter and I were there. She seemed very nice also. When my daughter and I came home, I had suspicions that something wasn't right. Within 3 weeks, my H lost all three businesses. He was devistated and took a vacation to the best friends house in Minnesota with our two sons. He was there from May 1 until the end of June.
During his time in ND, he would call me 2-3 times a day, at certain times and we would chat about what was happening, how things were going and what we planned to do. When he went to MN, nothing. No phone calls, no nothing. He said he had gone into a depression.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. He called and said he was coming home, he wanted to talk to me. He said that we had been having trouble for 2 years and it had been bad the past six months. I had absolutely no clue he felt unhappy, unsatisfied and was falling out of love. He said he "pretended" to be happy until he figured out to either work on us or not. He said he had feelings for the best friend, but not to worry. He would "try and figure things out" and let me know. We were intimate the two nights he was home, but he said he shouldn't have done it. As of 4 days ago, he finally said no lies. He had been seeing the BF since May and was in love with her. He was leaving me and wasn't in love with me anymore. I asked him to please work on our marriage, it was important to the kids and ourselves. He said he had no desire to work on our marriage. We had been having problems for a long time. But, he kept sending me text messages about how he loved me, called me baby, would tell me he was getting a job in MN and would send me copies of the contracts to look over, he would move us up there to be with him. He made me feel like he was going to try, even though he refused counseling. And always with begging for money. He gave me song and dances about if I wanted him home, to send him more money. I had sent him over $3500 during the time he was in MN. So, I sent him money to come home thinking I would do anything to save our marriage. This was last Monday. As of today, July 16, he has no remorse about what he did, he has never told me what evil things I did to make him fall out of love with me and cheat on me. He kept telling me everything was ok and not to worry. He was going to come home and be here on the weekends to not feel pressured.
Over the past year, we went on vacation, he bought me furniture, a new phone, remodeled our bathroom and bedroom. He gave me false hope until the last couple of days. I even talked to the OW and she had kicked him out because he lied to her about us being separated for two years. But, he called her all week and worked things out. She is already here in IN and he is looking for a place.
There is so much more to this story, but how can someone, who promised to love and cherish me with wedding vows, not even tell me he was unhappy and just look for something with someone else? Is he just lazy, manipulative, or what? WTF?
How do I proceed from here. Now that he's confessed, he's so nicey nicey and wants to be friends. Many people say that if he finds out I get my inheiritence, he will come back. What do I do? I was completely devistated and heartbroken. I loved him unconditionally, through all our faults. We went to counseling 3 years ago when he cheated the first time, and I thought we were doing fine. Ugh. Suggestions? Why am I more sad, depressed and hopeful he'll come back someday than pissed off he lied, manipulated and cheated?