spouse may be cheating

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
spouse may be cheating
8
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 9:48am

I think my husband may be interested in another woman, does anybody have any advice? I caught him earasing sent messages and recieveing messages, I then saw how long he was talking on the phone with her, and when I comfronted him a month ago he has been distant, angry and blaming me for checking up on him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 10:16am

Diamondgurl, first and most importantly THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 11:50am

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It is the worst feeling in the world when you think your SO is cheating. One thing I learned from my experience is you should always go with your gut feeling. I had a gut feeling for so long and although I never had actual proof and he always denied it, I knew something was going on. He too would get angry if I mentioned he may be cheating and always had his phone on him. He also flipped the table around on me and would insinuate I was the one cheating, but it was all his own guilt.


I really can't tell you what to do or say because i'm in no state of mind to do so yet. I am still in the beginning of finding out, but I can tell you don't let him make you second guess yourself. Mine always made me do that until I felt I was going crazy and maybe I was thinking too much into things, but after everything he put me through and finally finding out with actual proof, I realized my gut had been right the whole time. Now I have to learn to trust myself because he made me second guess myself for so long. So don't let him do that.


If you feel something is going on, then listen to those feelings. They are there for a reason. He shouldn't be angry if you are hovering. You are his wife, you have every right to hover. And if he doesn't have anything to hide or isn't do anything wrong, than he shouldn't be upset about anything. He should be reassuring you that nothing is going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 1:01pm

I don't know who said this but it really does apply to your situation as well as mine. "Those who have nothing to hide , hide nothing". After telling her that she agreed - after 3 D-days.


In the past my W would keep her purse /phone where ever she was in the house. Although she would delete her texts I think she

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 1:48pm
Thanks so much for everybody's response it means so much to me, I have no one to talk to about this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 2:01pm

I'm so sorry for the pain I know you are going through! I'm going through the same thing; have been for way too long. I think the reason I haven't left yet is that I want absolute proof. Anyway, I just wanted to say the advice these posts have given you is right on target! And I will emphasize that you need to not feel guilty about digging for information, finding proof, and then begin on turning him around. Try different methods; be tough, putting a stop to things now, because the longer it goes on the worse it gets. And the more he expects to get away with. Put a stop to it. Is there any way you can interest your daughter in something else instead of what she's doing? Maybe signing up for a play in the local playhouse or a different sport? I think all contact with

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 3:55pm
There really are signs of cheating in his behavior, some things just seem to be very common in cheating.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 6:41pm

some things just seem to be very common in cheating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Fri, 07-03-2009 - 1:53am

Diamondgurl,


I'm so sorry you are going thru this!

sc