Still a Mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2011
Still a Mess
8
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 8:11am

I haven't posted in a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2012
In reply to: sadinia
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 3:24pm
I read your post and I went through that as well. After my husband confessed he cheated he said that he thinks of her and thought that this was not fair to me. So he wanted to leave. He asked me if he could talk with her to see how she felt. I felt so betrayed and hurt that MY husband was saying this to me. I was so in shock and wanted him to pick me. So I said it was ok for him to talk with her. This was a weak moment where I hoped he would realize that he wanted me. He came back after talking with her having stronger feelings and knowing that she wanted him too. Hwoever he said he still needed tome to think i was so mad that he came home like nothing had happened while i was dying inside so i asked him to leave. He was out of the house for a week. He stayed at his moms but still would see her. Took her out for dinner and had a sexual relationship with her. Then a week after he came back wanting his family back. I know it's hard but I think that in these moments we become so volnerable and are put in positions that are not fair. Be stringing and do what's best for you. It is the most painful thing I have experienced so don't feel alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: sadinia
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 3:46pm

He doesn't like his options. I say tough s--t. What does he want option 3 to be? Allow me to stay here and pretend to be a good family man in everyones eyes whilst having a girlfriend on the side? Ask him what he thinks his options shoild be. And why didn't he (don't they) mention anything about being so unhappy until AFTER they get somehow involved with someone else? He's being a coward and needs to man up and make a decision. I say give him till the end of the month to make a decision, and if he doesn't tell him YOU will make it for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: sadinia
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 2:17pm

(((sadinia))

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
In reply to: sadinia
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 1:03pm

He doesn't like his choices because he would have to make one.

It's an old P/A trick.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2011
In reply to: sadinia
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 8:56am

I should add that I have had the conversation several times with him about what his choices are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2011
In reply to: sadinia
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 8:24am
  • Thanks for your responses - I know I have to get the strength to do this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
In reply to: sadinia
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 4:46am

Oh, many of us recall quite clearly - unfortunately - the moment we understood he's missing her and is acting out in ways that show it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: sadinia
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 11:50am
He's sulking cause he misses her....blah blah blah. boy do I ever remember that with my own H. Thing is he's living with the fantasy of what it would be like to be with her. Were he to actually leave and go live with her I'd bet he'd quickly find out that the grass isn't any greener in her backyard. But of course when your in love with a fantasy life your head isn't in reality anymore. Sounds like that's where his head is right now.
I ended up getting so fed up and leaving my H. He quickly moved the OW into out apt. within days after I left. Within 2 weeks he realized he made a big mistake and the OW wasn't all that nice of a person after all. He sent her back home to her H and drove 8 hours back to our hometown (where I left to) and came practically begging for another chance. This was only my experience and I'm not saying this is the solution. But I could not stand to see him sulking over her anymore, and I figured the only way to let him finally get her out of his system was to let him go find out if the grass was greener with her. How quickly reality set in for him. And I didn't want him to be with me if his head and heart weren't in it anymore. I can't tell you what to do but you really should stop worrying about whether HE will be finacially destitute and start thinking more about yourself and the kids. If he has no real living income coming in, you would probably get full custody of the kids. You will also get to the fed up point where you know you have to do something, because living like this is just too painful. GOOD LUCK.