Still trying to cope with husbands past affairs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Still trying to cope with husbands past affairs.
5
Tue, 01-18-2011 - 2:12pm

We have been married for 4 yrs now. I was pregnant with our 1st child together when we got marreid. Months after we wed and around the time i was about to have the baby, my husband started acting different. Suspicious. There were so many different signs. I knew him well enough to know that something was wrong. When confronted about it he denied everything. While he was deployed I found the emails. He was having an affair. He told her he loved her and yadda yadda yadda. I also found postings that she had left on a website for spouses military personnel, where she asked the forums what naughty little things she should send to him downrange for his birthday. She also posted that she missed his smile. When he finally came clean he said he had never met her. Plus I found emails to an old girlfriend in which they had secret email addresses made up using their names and the current year. I was heart broken to say the least. All this was going on while he was deployed. I agreed that we would wait until he came home before we decided to continue on or call it quits. And in that time he gained custody of his 2 teenage daughters from a previous marriage. While he was deployed I had to care for them and in that time the girls and I developed a lovely relationship. Which complicated things further. When he finally came home from his deployment I agreed to stay and try to work things out. I got pregnant right off the bat. We were all surprised. Everyone was happy except for me. I really wanted to leave but felt I couldnt abandon the two teens who needed a mother figure and take my son away from his dad who he really needed to get to know better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Hugs tullos, I don't know anyone who would say you are the "dumbest chick for staying"!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Do you think maybe the problem is that you got married because you were pregnant and he felt obligated to marry you? If so he may not have been ready to settle down and hadn't sowed his wild oats yet. I'm curious why you had 2 more babies AFTER you found out he was a cheater.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 10:56am

We agreed to work things out. while we were dating My clock went off and felt I was ready for kids. I had trouble getting pregnant in my previous marriage. I asked him if he was willing to help me have a baby, no strings attached and he agreed. We got pregnant and he still wanted to be with me. the other two pregnancies were complete surprises. accidents to say the least. Both times I was on birth control, breast feeding and hadnt even had a normal cycle. It was something I wasnt prepared for. I love my children and I dont regret having them. I am excited about the new pregnancy. It took a while for it to sink in. But there is nothing more in the world that I love then being a mom.

My husband does feel remorse. And he wakes up every morning apologizing to me and telling me how much he loves me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007

Tullos,

You are not alone. We all stay for various reasons. I personally stayed because I still loved my husband. My husband has his issues. He seems to be able to show/ portray emotions but he has lots of difficulty identifying his emotions. He sometimes says that he is not sure that he feels anything. Many would probably question why I would stay in a marriage where my husband is not sure what he is feeling. I questioned it myself for a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008

Don't know what's wrong with the boards, but the "reply" button is missing from the original posts today, at least on my computer.