Stubborn and childish man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Stubborn and childish man!
10
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 2:39am

I have been set on divorce for some time now - I know this marriage is a lost cause.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 2:07pm

(((huckleberry))) When you make the decision and sign the papers your strength will come back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 2:23pm

Then again you may be surprised. When he finds out you are DEAD SERIOUS about filing divorce papers, he may actually come to realize that the cost of his relationship with HER is NOT worth losing his family over. I've seen this same thing happen more than once (when the husband realized the loss of his family is REALITY) where he ends up quickly ending the relationship with the other woman. If you do file he will then realize he has a HUGE decision to make and cannot have both of you. And sometimes that's just what it takes to knock them off that fence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 4:00am
I just know he won't abandon her. and besides, the pain it has caused me I know I can't rebuild with him so.... it is what it is. Just frustrated. Oh by the way she is married too. They were headed for divorce when she got sick again so now with the kids likely losing mom why put them thru divorce too .... so its on hold. And yes her H knows. What a freakin mess. She is totally using and manipulating my H but he refuses to see it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 2:23pm

So sorry huckleberry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 10-03-2011 - 11:07pm

So he can't abandon her, but he's already abandoned your marriage.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 8:19pm

I am so sorry that he is putting you and your child through this. He is being selfish. If he were thinking clearly, guilt and a sense of right and wrong ....would tell him ...it is time to back off and focus the whole of his heart on you and your child.

No matter how you slice it....He is still at the very least in an emotional affair with this woman. He is putting his time and energy into her, when she already has a husband.... and that is

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 12:09am

Thank you for the sympathy, and for your wisdom. He is going to a counselor tomorrow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2011
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 10:44pm

I feel the same way about wanting my husband to fight for me and do anything he can to keep me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 1:14pm
Uhmmm....don't get angry, but as long as you allow him to continue this crappola, he WILL continue this crappola. He is getting there? Please be patient? He can't deal with ultimatums? She's terminally ill? What a load of you know what. IF he does indeed still love you, he will cut off contact right now, not when the time feels right to him. The pros and the books say the same thing: to save a marriage after infidelity, the very FIRST thing that HAS TO HAS TO HAS TO HAS TO happen is he has to cut off contact NOW - not tomorrow or next week, NOW. He can do it, it's a conscious choice. He is choosing her over you right now, that's not how marriage is supposed to work - no one is supposed to be more important than you. Your comment how hard it is to raise a teenage son without a man - right now you are raising TWO teenage sons without a man in the house. He has no incentive to end this, you're essentially going along with it, but he's pretty good with excuses, he's got a load of good ones to call upon to fit the circumstances that come up. You are being played and of course you're depressed. I ordinarily never say "leave", but in your case you have to ask yourself as things stand, what are you getting out of this relationship? It has to be demoralizing when a guy absolutely will not give up the other woman. He can, he just won't, that is the bottom line. I say run, if you're interested, there really are nice guys out there who won't hurt you this way, I have to believe that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Sat, 10-29-2011 - 5:21am

thanks myradorn - there is no doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing, and I'm feeling better. And you're right, I was taking care of 2 teenagers! I always knew he was immature but the level I've seen lately