Surviving an affair

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Surviving an affair
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 9:34am
Good Day, My husband just came clean about caring on an affair with a women from high school that he just reconnected with after 27 years. He packed up all this things and moved in with this women. Anyone have any advice on how to understand or make sense of this. No begging to forgive him or wanting to work things out just gone. He's been a bit depressed off and on over the past few years but this incident is a total shock after 10 years of marriage. looking for some incites from those who have gone through this type of betrayal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 9:41pm

I think this happens a lot that people reconnect w/ their past loves--I don't know if they want to relive their childhoods or what.  I had a client who met an old GF at his 40th high school reunion--can you believe that?  It's not like they were kids--and he & his DW had 8 kids.  My theory is that maybe they have some problems today & they idealize the former love--of course if you are in high school how many problems do you have?  So you look back at something fun like going to the prom or something--of course people surely aren't the same as they were in high school so what looks great now might not be so great when they really get to know who the person is now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 2:27pm

Hugs tyr01!  Sometimes we just can't make sense of this.  I couldn't with my exh.  The only thing under your control is how you deal with it and how you move forward from here.  Have you consulted an attorney?  He/she will let you know where you stand financially and point you in the right direction.  A counselor can guide you though the emotional challenges.  Lean on your friends and family and know that we are all here pulling for you.

Hang in there, start rebuilding your life focusing only on your own future.  Trying to figure the 'whys' of it all takes up valuable time and frankly stbxh isn't worth it!

Take it one step at a time, one day at a time.