Suspect H Had Affair With Co-Worker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Suspect H Had Affair With Co-Worker
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 3:58pm

Would love to know what others think about this. 

My husband became very friendly with one of his female co-workers. She sent him an email once saying: "I just want to be left alone." (I think he had written that to her and the email I saw was her reply). Then the body of the email she said, "I tried to reach you but missed you."

I decided to throw my husband's company a holiday party. (He is gruff and rude to many of his employees and I thought it would help his relationships at work for others to see he has a lovely wife (me), two beautiful sons and a lovely house. 

I had arranged to have the dinner catered. Then, DH calls and says "Sally (the co-worker in question) does not want to do that. She said it was not necessary. Sally said she would help you make the meal and prepare everything."

So, a couple of days later, I called Sally (whom I have known fairly well in our neighborhood for over 15 years. I even once leant her my favorite, very personal book to read). The conversation went like this:

"Hi Sally, Marc says you can help me with the company holiday party."

SHE: "I said no so thing and will not help."

ME: "Um, OK, sorry about that.. Marc is unable to give me the company email list (why I don't know) and said you could send that to me. 

SHE: "I can do no such thing."

ME: "Well, thanks Sally, I'll talk to you later."

I hung up the phone and immediately called my husband. 10 seconds into our call, his second line rang. 

ME: "That's going to be Sally."

He put me on hold and came back on the line a mintue or two later. Indeed it was Sally on the other line.  I asked him if Sally had said something about our strange conversation. He said, "She didn't say a word." Well, i asked, "Did you say anyting to her about her strange and rude behavior to me." "No, I did not," he replied. 

I went ahead and threw the party and spent the entire evening in the kitchen trying to nurse back a pork loin that was not cooking very well.

Sally and my husband spent the entire evening together, in close conversation.

When it came time for my husband to give a little speech, I noticed that Sally was not looking at my husband but instead stroking my dog the entire time. I thought this was strange body language.

(For the next year's party, Sally thru it and had passed appetizers and three cooks in her kitchen!)

Fast foward a couple of years: every time I see this woman, she gives me a dirty look and turns away in a huff. I most recently saw her at an event for my husband's work and she actually SNEERED at me when I tried to say hello. 

At one point, she resigned from my husband's company (around the time I expect something happened). My husband still to this day denies that she ever resigned, even though i clearly saw her email telling him of her resignation. (She later rejoined the company--or perhaps she never left, I am not sure).

The book I loaned Sally was about 10 years ago. One day a couple of years ago, my husband pulls it out of the trunk of his car and said, "Your friend Sally wanted me to return this to you." (I have not spoken to her in many years, except thru encounters with my husband's company."

Who remembers who loaned them a book 10 years ago? Why didn't she return it to me herself? 

Also, I heard him whispering to her on the phone once whiile at his office. I have asked him about this and all he says is he probably had something to tell her that he didn't want me to hear. Duh. 

Finally, when I am with him in his office and Sally calls, he lies to her and tells her I am someone else. 

Does anyone think any of this is strange? 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 3:05am

I find it incredibly strange that any decent husband would allow another woman treat you in that disrespectful manner.  It could be because she is incredibly jealous of you and wants to be the one and only in your husbands eyes (think fatal attraction here).  Another possiblity is she is so relevant to the company that he must placate her.  And then, of course, is the notion that they are carrying on a long term affair.  If you can rule out the first two, then you must play detective.  Especially for your own mental health.  To stop a lifetime of questioning.  Peruse this site and others for ways to monitor your spouse's activity. Knowledge is power.  


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2012
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 11:45pm
Her behavior should be a red flag. I couldn't understand why whenever I went to my H office, his "friend" and coworker who worked in the cube across the way, barely talk to me and would find some reason to leave the area. I figured if I had a friend at work I would be happy to meet their spouse. Turns out the reason she was uncomfortable around me was because she had a crush on my H and eventully had an A. Your gut it probably right. I don't know what your situation is or what your options are, but Good luck.