thanks for your help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2014
thanks for your help
11
Thu, 04-17-2014 - 4:46pm

I am sorry for the length of this, but I really need some advice on how to move forward.  Back in November I could tell my wife was up to something by her constantly being on her iphone and suddenly logging off facebook.  We had a rough year, my business (restaurant) was not doing well I was staying at work sometimes long after we closed and I was not giving her the attention she needed.  I found out she was having an emotional affair with a guy from work through facebook private messages.  When I confronted her she claimed he was just a coworker/friend and there was nothing going on, but she wanted a seperation because she was not happy.   I begged her to work on our marriage that the business was sold in one month and that we are both still in love, just give us a chance.  She insisted on the seperation, so I begged her to please stop talking to this other guy (OG) because you 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007

Hello Cody0005,

I just bumped up a post from one of the male posters on this board about what to do first after discovering your spouse's affair.  He did an excellent job of summarizing the important points.  There aren't too many male posters on here and I felt it might be helpful for you to hear from a male betrayed spouse.  I'm not saying there aren't plenty of women that could help you...I'm just for anything that might make it easier for you at this stage.

I'm really, really sorry you've had to join this club.

Take care.

Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2014
Thu, 04-17-2014 - 10:00pm

Hello Blueskyabove- How do I find this post you are talking about.  I really appreciate your help, I just don't know how to navigate the boards and am not sure what "bumped up" means?  Can you please help me to find it.  I really need help getting past this.

Thank you so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007

Let me see if I can help you.  I've noticed that the posts look different on my iPad versus my computer.  On my computer the post I'm talking about shows up right below your post.  On my iPad I have to do a considerable amount of searching to find it.

If you look above your post you will see Home > Love & Sex > Relationship Problems > Betrayed Spouses Support, etc.  ok?  If you click on Betrayed Spouses Support and then scroll down the page until you find "See All Threads in this Board" and click on that link it will bring up a page of posts that go back a long way.  Scroll down that page until you see a post titled "What to do first....written by Pater_familia on 12/05/2013.  You should also see that I posted a reply a few hours ago so I could bring his post to the top of the Betrayed Spouse Support board.  I was hoping you would immediately see it next to your post, but apparently that didn't happen.  I'm sorry this is turning into a complicated issue for you.  It isn't your fault that the boards aren't working better.

Let me know if my instructions need tweaking or if you have further problems.  You might also be able to type the name of his post, or even his name into the search window.  That may help.

Good luck.  Don't hesitate to get back to me.  I think you will find his post helpful.

Take care.

Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 04-17-2014 - 11:20pm
There are no bumps or floats anymore, except in YOUR OWN view. If you want someone to see another thread, you need to post a link.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007

In case you need it, the full title of his post is: What to do first.  What you need to know.  (Repost)

Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007

Thank you for this information.

Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007

Cody0005,

Try this link:

http://www.ivillage.com/forums/love-sex/relationship-problems/betrayed-spouses-support/betrayed-spouses-support/what-do-first-what-you-need-know-repost

Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 04-18-2014 - 12:34am

   It is not her behavior to worry about but yours.  Your snooping is a poison slow but deadly.  You are going to need to deal with all the other emotions arounf the resrurant and how you see your life and your emotions.  You many need  a theriist to help you reintergrate and develop courage not to snoop.  If this continues you will have a canary in a gilded cage.  Who one day wil revolt.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Hi cody.  I rarely agree with xxxs below..but this time I do.  You need to stop worrying about what they did, IF they did anything at all.  It doesn't matter!  She is now back with you, and she wants to make it work.  Stop worrying about what happened because it can't be changed, and you need to stop trying to find out every little detail.  It will change nothing, it will just put bad thoughts and pictures in your head.   If you want to make your marriage work, then you have to start all over.......you were in a bad patch, now it's over, it's DONE, and there's nothing you can do but move forward from today.  Yesterday is HISTORY, you can't change it.  Tomorrow is a mystery.....today is a gift.........that's why it's called the present!  Take advantage of today, enjoy it.  Leave the past where it belongs, IN THE PAST.  It can't be changed, it need to be forgotten.  Just move forward from today, and enjoy your life.  If you keep worrying about it, talking about it, thinking about it.......you will just drive her away again.  She feels bad enough, don't make it any harder for her......or for yourself.  Move on.  Yesterday was the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombing.  Did you see any of the survivors on TV?  A few of them had their legs blown off.....they have prostheses, and they're racing again.  I'm sure they wish they still had their legs, but they understand their legs are gone, they accept that, and they get on with their lives.  That's what you need to do.  Accept, and get on with your life.  Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010

delete!!!

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