That's what I thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
That's what I thought
14
Sat, 04-11-2009 - 9:52pm
A week ago Thursday I discovered contact from OM a couple of weeks previously.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 12:58am

Wow!


I'm not sure what I would do in your shoes at this very moment!

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 3:14am

Thinking

Sorry to here your bad news.

The reality is that even if they really want to end there affairs most people find it very hard to much like heron junkies so Sudden recoveries are more of then not fake and only serve to protect the cheater from the consequences of there actions. If it seems to good to be true it usually is. There motto is "lie lie lie deny deny deny"

Confronting her with indisputable evidence of the truth and a statement of clear consequences for continuing to cheat may force her off the fence .... he goes or you go period no more chances.

I know in a past post you asked about confronting the other man and many said NO, I totally disagree, if this guy is married he will most likely throw your wife under the bus to save his own neck if he really believes your going to make contact with his wife and give real evidence to her of his activities evidence such as nude pictures of him would do the job nicely.

Cheaters do not respect weakness in there spouse they just take advantage of it. I am not suggesting you are weak just that cheaters once hooked on the affair drug often see real love and kindness as weakness that can be exploited.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 12:43pm
One of the

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2009
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 12:56pm
Why would you want to be married to someone who can be so cruel to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 1:27pm
Until she discovered the world of online sex chat she was the sweetest and most wonderful W a man could possibly want.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 3:11pm
Have you considered contacting his wife rather than him? It might be the better option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 10:24pm

I'm sorry to hear about this new betrayal between your W and the OM. I am amazed that you can hold out with this information. I hope things go better with her tomorrow. Good luck and hang in there!

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 11:07pm

I'm really sorry.

I would have a quick read over the 180 list.

30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"

I don't know how this will go for you but My spouse is really a different person eight months later. Best of luck.

I just spoke with my spouse, she said to sit down with your spouse, tell her you have a feeling something is going on and ask her if there is anything that she would like to tell you. If she chooses to still not tell you then, let her know that you are aware of the contact. Hopefully then she will start talking. AT that point the two of you can decide where to go from there.

Sending good vibes your way brother.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Rebuilding

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 11:12pm

Thinking

*One of the things that makes me most sad is to realize that I can be carrying something like this for days and she doesn't even notice.*

I think your wrong on this point, I think she did notice and that is way she got all cozy and attentive and did the the other stuff about her PC.

I also think she believes she can be a good wife to you and carry on her on line activities, I doubt she even sees it as an affair and her self as committing adultery, BIG TIME DENIAL and it will take a real shock to knock he back in to the real world.

If it were me she would have to agree to no computer access if she wants to keep her marriage, it may seem radical to some but we would never agree to an alcoholic spouse hanging out in bars so she should not have access to chat rooms of any sort.

JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2009
Mon, 04-13-2009 - 12:48am

Just thinking about your confrontation and wanted to wish you good luck and strength!

Pages