Things I've found helpful
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|Sat, 06-28-2014 - 9:13am|
In the past two months I've been to hell. I still visit every now and then but I'm making steps to get out and be myself again. I thought I'd share some tips as writing these down might help someone else.
My ex cheated with an EA. He is currently with his new woman overseas visiting her for the first time, we have a 2 year old son together. HEre's what I've been doing to help myself.
1 - enacting the 180 list - http://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ -- hard work but important, hasn't stopped him leaving but is helping me focus on new things
2 - Posting here - or posting anywhere for support
3 - READING - this has been a big one for me, I've read everything I can get my hands on that will give me insight into what went wrong. It's possible that this will either help us get back together but if it doesn't I can build a much better relationship elsewhere. My reading list so far
Learn to love yourself - Andrew G Marshall - good when you have lost a sense of self
Manhood - Steve Biddulph - this should be given to everyone when they graduate high school. It will change lives. Written for men, but invaluable to women too.
After the affair - Janis Spring - great if your partner wants to work on things, but also great to get understanding that you aren't going insane!
I love you but I'm not in lonve with you - Andrew G Marshall - this is the one I'm reading at the moment, it is giving me massive insight into how relationships work and what went wrong with us.
4 - Text Your Ex Back - this is an online programme. You pay for it. Don't be nieve, someone is making money from this. BUT it is not degrading, the opening sections of this programme are about getting YOU sorted, getting YOU straight and being a better YOU. This is important, whether or not you want your ex back, I'm finding do this programme in combination with the other things is massively helpful. The phrasing in the work sheets is pushing me to uncover more about the failed relationship and how I can make things better next time around, with my ex or without him. I am still ambivilent if I even want him back.
5 - Counselling - I see a Relate counsellor once a week and have had 'light bulb' moments every week. Unfortunately I may not be able to afford this much longer but feel with the other work I'm doing I can manage without.
6 - Keeping busy (really taken from 180) but I am keeping as busy as I can to stop 'dwelling' on things.
I wish you all well and hope you find peace again x