tired, beaten and unable to sleep

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
tired, beaten and unable to sleep
5
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 11:51pm

So if you've read my post from earlier, I've had a bad day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:03am

...first things first...there are very experienced, intelligent, caring people that post here...I'm not one of them, so hopefully you'll receive more responses as the day goes on...

...you were cheated "for real" during the emotional affair...she shared her emotions with someone else...perhaps, we are divided by gender with the importance we place on emotional intimacy, versus physical intimacy...irregardless...I think you should do some demanding now...demand that she does everything exactly as you want her to (or, in my opinion, she should get out, period)...tell her to cut off contact immediately (or, in my opinion, she should get out, period)...tell her that you'll be tracking her every move until you feel comfortable...she has to be available to you at all times...she has to be completely open...she has to give you access to all correspondence avenues (even work emails)...tell her she has to do all of this as long as you need her to and that you have no time line plan...demand that she show you respect...if she refuses or balks, you've got your answer...and, in my opinion, she should get out, period...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:54am

So I told her yesterday that I didn't even want her to come home and she should just get her work clothes and I don't care if you go to your fathers (her# or to the bf's, but I can't sleep in the same room as her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 8:03am

(((((Hugs))))) dadfor6!

I am so sorry you find yourself in this painful place. I remember when I was in your place and I'll tell you what helped me get through it. I called an IC (individual counselor) immediately. She had an emergency appointment the next day. This counselor helped me tremendously! I confided in my best friend,( I didn't want to tell anyone else initially in case my exh and I stayed together). She helped me tremendously too! I moved into the guest room in my house. Yes he should have slept in the other room but he never had remorse or empathy for his A and I was repulsed by him. I also had an initial consultation with an attorney. It doesn't mean you have to D but it did help me feel better to know what I would be looking at financially.

Eat, even if it is oatmeal or yogurt. If you are unable to sleep contact your doctor and they may be able to give you something to help. Take deep breaths when you are overwhelmed! Take a walk in the park and find the peace around you. Exercise, it will help you clear your head. Write in a journal, it is so cathartic to put your thoughts on paper. Love your children, they need their dad to be whole and healhy!!

When you communicate with her do everything in your power to remain the calm one. Insist she seeks IC and MC and no contact with this person and whatever you feel is necessary to keep YOU in the M. Some other posters have had their spouses come around and actually have remorse and empathy and are rebuilding. Not so in my case but it is possible. So what I am saying is take the utmost care for yourself, calmly tell your W what you need and expect from her. Accept NO less.

You can and will get through this even if your M IS dead as you said. I am living proof! Your W brought 'crazy' into your life and she is the one who has to remove it or you can move on yourself without it. One of the hardest things for me was that I could not 'make' exh understand how what he did hurt me so much and his lack of empathy. We have absolutely no control of what other people do or think we can only control our own actions or reactions.

Kiss those kiddos!

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 8:36am

Thanks Ollie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 9:16am
Hi dadfor6, glad you sound stronger! And your kids CAN have two parents that love them, they just might not live together. hang in there, Ollie