tired tired tired...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
tired tired tired...
13
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 6:53pm
So I "thought" my husband and I "survived" an affair he had with this woman we both knew....2005. I was really good about it, too...and, the only caveat about everything was that he not have contact...around Christmas he started staying out with his buddies, playing cards, watching the game etc...well that turned into all nighters...not calling and checking in...really unacceptable behavior...in February I found her on his yahoo messenger he left opened...I faked being him (yes. i know, that's wrong) and had a few questions answered...at that time I started looking for an apartment, etc... I'm paralyzed though, my children are both moved out...he swears he's not seeing her & not having contact with her... but, he has his cellphone up his BUTT when he's home & today we were outside doing yard work, and I came in to get something and heard a phone on vibrate, thought it was mine and ran in the bedroom...followed the vibration to a filled-to-the-brim junk drawer with his phone HIDDEN in that drawer...the number was one I didn't know (I knew her old number, this is a new one), and I grabbed the phone, took it to my desk to write down the number for him...as I'm ready to take it out to him, a text comes in...again, yes I know...wrong....I check the text it says "why won't you talk to me"...I text back "call again"...it was her. I was FURIOUS and stormed out to my car. MY FRIGGIN TIRE WAS SLACK! so I drive down to a local place...he's closed early...come home after my dramatic exit after he is begging me to stay -- to call around to make an appointment to get the tire fixed ... EVERYTHING IS CLOSED. Finally, I just say "screw it" and decide that I'll change the tire myself so I can drive to my mother's in New Brunswick (I live in Maine....200 miles away...I can't be here, I'M DONE!)...the friggin SPARE IS FLAT! I leave to go put air in my tire, he calls me and I end up yelling at him...HE GETS MAD AT ME AND HAS BEEN MAD AT ME AND SNARLY ALL DAY!!!!!!! WTH!? anyway...I needed to vent. I'm so done. thank you for listening.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 12:29am

Hi...


Nothing you did was wrong...He was doing something wrong, you had a gut feeling and you followed up on it..and you turned out to be right....


I have no guilt on checking up on my husband....He has done wrong so i feel completely justified in veryfying

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 12:51am

What???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 2:18am

Elizabeth, that's ludicrous! sigh. My H just doesn't understand why I'm so friggin ANGRY. And, where is he tonight? **shrug** who knows. He justifies his inappropriate behavior on his anger towards me. HIS ANGER TOWARDS ME? REALLY? I vacillate between angry and sad and broken. I don't even know what to feel. I feel paralyzed. You guys will crap a brick when I tell you what I do for work...I am the director of a battered womens shelter...every day I tell women they deserve better than THIS EXACT BEHAVIOR!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 3:29am

I was going to say there is nothing wrong with you, but if I'm honest there has to be something wrong with both of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 4:51am

GEEZE, I' m the director of an adult day care center, I tell my caregivers everyday that they have to take care of themselves, make good choices and help them move through their journey with the various diseases and decisions they have to make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 5:05am

ME TOO!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 9:13am

oh ladies...thank you thank you!

I'm SO smart! And, so bright and so damn CUTE it's not even funny LOL! LOL! and here I sit not knowing what to do. Well, I really do know what I have to do. But, man, I LOVE him. I tell the women who come to my shelter when they are thinking of going back because they miss him "if he was a monster 100% of the time this decision ((to stay at the shelter)) would be easy"...the same applies here.

But, it's more than just the A. It's the stuff that goes with it...the arrogance and narcissism. His inability to just shut up and let me be friggin' pissed off & hurt. Him saying "it's nothing" doesn't make it "nothing". Not to me. If they aren't sleeping together and if it really IS just commmunication...dude, that's SOMETHING! **shaking.head** I just don't know. I know I have to make some drastic changes. I don't believe in couples counseling when it's this messy. I've recently begun seeing a therapist. He won't. He is on meds for depression, is almost into his third year of being laid off from a job where he made >70,000 per year (now, not making near that much but at least doing something he loves) and recently lost five years of sobriety (another thing he had agreed to do when he was busted in '05 - to quit drinking & going to bars). I just don't know. Wait. Yah, I do :(

Anyway, he's out washing the cars. And, wants to go to breakfast. IF we do, we better go to McDs...the utensils are plastic ;) LOL Have a great morning, ladies :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 1:01pm

I'll say it again, it would be so much easier if we all lived near each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 1:45pm

Oh, I agree. I told my best friend - who lives in Canada - what's gone on. Her husband of fifteen years just told her six weeks ago he wanted a divorce. She was devastated but since then... He's moved out. They've sold the house and both have bought new ones. Her closing is August 3rd, his a day or two on either side. She's all GET THE HELL OUT RIGHT NOW YOU NEED TO LEAVE. now I wish I hadn't told her. She's known us just about the whole 28 years we've been together. She thinks she's never had this happen to her (I know otherwise. It was when she dated my brother and I found out years later) so she just doesn't get it. And, I'm WAY too embarrassed to talk to my local friends about it :(

Today, I clenched and ground my teeth so bad yesterday & last night that my chest hurts, my shoulders and face and neck hurt so bad I can barely move.

And, today he's STILL STUPID ABOUT THIS! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. oh wait...he'll still be stupid about this tomorrow. And, that Wednesday in November. and in 2012. And when he dies *sigh* oh wait...maybe if we're not together when he dies, he'll be like that other guy & forget to switch his life insurance over *perk*

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 2:54pm

You're too funny!!!

Pages