Today it's been one year since D-Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Today it's been one year since D-Day
1
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 7:06pm

One year ago today he told me about his six month sexual affair.  The pain I felt that day was excruciating and I must say it has been a year full of emotional ups and downs.  I don't really know where I am at emotionally today.  I am kind of numb.  I can't beleive its been a year, but I am proud of myself for surviving. Things are not perfect between us. I still don't trust him (not sure if I ever will), still feel insecure in the relationship even though he has been an open book.  I think we are both focused on the future and what that holds for us. I think we both make each other a priority again.  I just wish my heart did't still ache.  I never expected him to go outside our marriage.  I have regrets; things I wish I would have done differently. He tells me not to focus on the coulda, woulda, shoulda, but I am a perfectionist by nature and I wish would have changed things that happened in the past.  However, let me clarify...whatever decisions I made prior to his affair were mine and his decision to betray me is one he has to own on his own.  I did not force him to make that decision.  So, I will get through another day with my head held high and look forward to the day where March 28 is just another date on the calendar.  Getting over an affair is one of the hardest things I have had to endure, but I keep praying and focusing on God and I know He will give me the strength to get through it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 3:48pm

I feel your pain, really.  My DDay was March 27, 2011, so I just hit the 2 year mark last Wed. and it was a rough day for me, even though I tried not to let it get to me.  I can say, that it was a little better than March 27 of last year, one year out from it.  LIke you, things are not perfect, but they are much better than than have been in years, much better than they were for years before I knew.  Funny it's it, how things can be better, but I still wonder if they will ever truly be the way they should.  I chose to stay in the marriage and move forward.  We did a year of counseling, I did counseling on my own, we have dealt with it all, and worked through it, but I still wonder what the future holds for us. My husband says he is happier than he has been in years b/c we talk now and if something is out there, we discuss it rather than ignoring it.  So from his perspective things are "fixed", but from my side, I'm not sure that they ever can be after what we have dealt with.  I still love my husband, but it's different.  I don't know that I will ever love him the way I did before, and that makes me sad.  Like you, I just keep my head held high, and get through each day, trying to figure out what's next for us.  We are both committed to our marraige, but I still am not sure that I have forgiven him yet.  That sounds awful 2 years later, but I just am not there yet.  I don't hold it over him, or make him miserable, I rarely bring it up unless there is something I need to talk about, but I just haven't reached that point.

Anyway, sorry to ramble on.  It's been a rough day for me for other reasons, and this just came up.  So if nothing else, just know that you are not alone in how you feel.  You are a survivor and will continue to as long as you have faith in yourself and stay strong.  Hang in there.