Trying to forgive and move on
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|Tue, 02-14-2012 - 5:12pm|
I found out in early January that my husband of 4 years has been having an affair for the last 6 months. I started suspecting something in November because he was always texting on his phone and when I would ask who he was talking to, he would get defensive. It all came out when I found letters to the OW that indicated that the trips that I thought were backpacking trips with his male friends were actually trips to go see her. The letters were very romantic and he said things like he loved her and she was special and even talked about how they should leave their spouses (she is also married and has 5 kids BTW). I was in utter shock and I still am. He is not the type of person to do this, he has always been a good husband and while we had little arguments here and there, it was never serious enough to think about ending the relationship.Also our sex life has always been healthy, with most of my married friends telling me we had sex way more than they ever did on a regular basis.
It's been a little over a month since all this happened. Since then we have been going to marriage counseling and he has admitted to having an addiction to porn (I had no idea), he has sexted other women i.e. sending pics of his junk to them and having pics of OW's junk (I had to find that one out on my own - found a pic of a vagina in his email), and not only did he have an affair, he met this woman on a dating website and has been on dating websites pretty much our whole relationship.
We have a 1 year old son and he is the reason I am trying to work through all of this. If we didn't have a child, I would be gone. It's the hardest and most painful experience of my life and I wouldn't wish the anger, pain, hurt, and just hate for myself that this happened to me on anyone.
The problem that I am having now is that the OW is still texting him. She texted him yesterday to tell him that she left her husband. When all of this first came out I emailed and texted her twice to say stay out of our lives and stop contacting my H. Since then she has contacted him about 7 times, we have ignored each communication, but it's not working she still thinks she can have a relationship with my H. So I emailed her and threatened to file a restraining order against her. Most of my friends agree that it was time for me to take a stand against her, but some of them thought it was a bad move because my email might fuel her craziness. Have any of you had this issue with the OW continuing to pursue your H? I am pretty sure my H is not contacting her behind my back, why would he show me her texts if he still wants to contact her? But that's also my deep concern that all this hard work and pain that I am going through now to try to forgive and move on is just going to be for nothing if he is lying to me again.
This is so hard and I feel so horrible about myself and my life right now, again if I didn't have my 1 year old, I wouldn't make it through this. Any advice or support is welcome and appreciated. Thanks!