Update on H emotional affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Update on H emotional affair
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 3:56pm


It has been about a month since I discovered that my H was having 2 emotional affairs. One with his ex and one with my friend....

I discoverd hundreds of texts between him and these woman.. I never saw the texts but found they existed because of the phone bill.

My husband is still in the house...From what I can see of the phone bill he has stopped texting and I have yet to discover emails, but I know that men can become sneaky..

I looked at the texts today again..Just to remind myself of what he did, so that I do not forget and become too trusting..

It broke my heart again to look at that cell phone bill. To see all the times he texted these woman while at work, on the bus and sometimes in our home.....

I slept next to him at night and I see a stranger...I do not recognize this man who sleeps next to me....He is a liar and a cheater, not my husband........

I am sure in his world he thinks everything is okay cause I let him back in the bed and I have been generally nice to him...But it will never be okay again..I will never forget that he is cabable of such lying and betrayl, he was willing to stomp all over me and our marriage............

When I look at that cell phone bill, I realize that in the end it is doubtful that this marriage will survive in the long term..I mean how do you trust a man that does this? Especially with your friend? How do I trust him now around my other friends? Very hurtful and devestating...

I have 5 kids, been married 15 years and love him...So I am here and hoping for a miracle...But time will tell.........

Just had to get this out today..Feeling emotional after looking at that bill again and seeing the reality of what he did...He lied, he cheated and he was my love and my hero..And he let me down and put a knife straight through my heart...

How does one recover from that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 11:07pm
I am going thru something similar, but my husband actually cheated with the friends and a sister in law, was married to my brother. I have a really bad temper and I am glad my H was safe behind bars when I found out about the affairs. I contacted the other women and after letting them know that as women we had to stick together and that , they were the last people that I would have expected to cheat
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 6:09pm

Sounds like you have faith in miracles and so keep that faith you need it : )

. I kept a phone bill and a card I found that she gave him, made me crazy and one day I just took them to the trash on trash day.

It is only hurting you like salt in a wound. You will never heal if you keep looking at it and I am sure you dont have to worry about forgetting anytime soon

you can love with out trust. Trust will need to be something your H works towards

by showing you he is sorry and being completely open and honest

there are no guarantees of the furture, but then there werent really any before

you just thought there was.

FInd the real reason he was doing it and if he gets real healing then you will be able to heal better too.

If you never get to the bottom of it, there can be no real healing

Love and Grace


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 1:02pm


Yes that is what we have- love without

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 5:56pm

I am sitting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 12:12am

"Just had to get this out today..Feeling emotional after looking at that bill again and seeing the reality of what he did...He lied, he cheated and he was my love and my hero..And he let me down and put a knife straight through my heart...

How does one recover from that?"

This is exactly how I feel too.... my love, my hero has done this to me.. how do we recover...

Right now it is one moment, one day at a time and a lot of praying.

I am glad I found this board.. I feel so alone and lost and as sad as I am to see so many other people hurting like me I do feel a little less alone now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 9:32pm

I am glad you feel less alone..

It is really tough isnt it? I mean you love your spouse with all your heart.. They have seen you at your best and worst.. You have been through so much together. It is hard to believe or understand after everything you have been through together and everything you have meant to one another that they would betray you.. That they even for one second would risk losing you.....You cant understand because you would never risk the love you share.. How could they have been so careless you ask???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 10:33pm

Thank you you sound like you know just how I feel. I ask myself that everyday how could tell me he loves me so much and look at me and our kids everyday and lie to us like he was. How could he take the step to the ultimate betrayal which has done nothing but hurt me. He is lucky our girls are too little to understand and know anything but one day he may have to answer to the them too.

I still walk through the day sometimes in sort of a haze feeling as though I am looking in from the outside at someone else's life.

I am glad I found this board and other people who totally understand where I am at.