Is Validation/verification okay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Is Validation/verification okay?
2
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 3:42pm

I am still trying to recover from H's A a few years ago that resulted in a child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 4:49pm

Yep, I think it is OK to do for as long as you need to. The important thing to do is to let go of it when it is time. I remember realizing it had been a couple of months since I had checked the cell phone bill, and out of habit I checked it. Then I checked myself. There was no reason to believe DH was talking with xOW, he was doing everything he needed to do and my gut said he wasn't. I checked it anyway and it only confirmed what I knew in my gut to be true. After that, I maybe checked it once or twice more. You are not only learning to trust him again, but also yourself. You will stop when you feel you can trust the both of you.

Is he doing everything he should to regain your trust? It was about two years after the first Dday and 1 year after the second that DH finally understood that he was going to have to demonstrate to me that he was trustworthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 8:05pm

I think you've done fantastically well to rebuild your marriage when there was a child involved. I think it's not at all surprising that you are still checking, after such a horrific thing happening to you, and the fact that this wretched woman can't be just unceremoniously booted out of your lives forever. It's no wonder you're struggling.

I'm about 2 1/2 years out from Dday and I still, very occasionally go into a kind of snoopy checky frenzy after being triggered by something. Once I start nothing can stop me. I look at her facebook page and glare at her picture with evil in my heart, I check the cell phone bill, then I go down this weird convoluted trail of googling them both, googling their work, on and on