very oldtimer returning for help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
very oldtimer returning for help
5
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 1:33am
I haven't posted here in I don't know how long. I used to be a cl for this board. Here's my story and I'm sorry but it's gonna be long. H first cheated on me in 2001, we rebuilt...i thought.....he cheated again in 2003......i threw him out......he went to counseling and AA.......i joined him in counseling........we rebuilt. The big thing about rebuilding the second time was that he took a new job that would keep him at home every night. His old job was 100% travel with him home only on weekends. we went 5 years with this new life....home every night.......AA had worked.......no more travel. It was wonderful! Then he got laid off last year. We moved back home to my family and the only job he got was his old one. 100% travel. We talked about it alot. The economy forced him into taking his old job. He promised the past would never repeat itself. Well, while he hasn't cheated again........he did start drinking again.........and according to our agreement over 5 years ago.........that would be a deal breaker. I am absolutely terrified of his pattern of past behavior continuing to increase to a point that he does cheat again. I have been going through so much lately and for him to add this to it.......I just can't take all the stress and depression this has brought on. My depression started about 2 months ago. I can't stand the thought of our oldest going off the college, and of course she wants to. I know, I'm sure he's having the same thoughts, but he's only with her on weekends. My siblings are fighting terribly. The stress on my elderly parents breaks my heart. I had to watch my dd's best friends mother die very suddenly and unexpectedly. H told me he didn't come home for the funeral, not because he had to work, but because it was too hard for him to see our dd's so upset. He actually thought it would help me to know that he didn't put work before us. He said that is why he told me that, so I would know he didn't put work before us. Are you kidding me? No, he didn't put work before us, he put himself before us. I sure you can all imagine how difficult it was for me to support our precious children at this funeral when I was grieving myself. I know they are teens, but I still call them children. Then, after he tells me this reason why he didn't come home, I didn't let him know over the phone that I was upset, I waited till he came home and it was then that I discovered he had been drinking again. I honestly think I'm still in shock! I can't get mad at him. I can't think! I can't even phathom that he would do this to us again. I really really don't know what to do. I have called our marriage counselor and have an appointment next week. In the meantime I've been putting on the act for the kids. I should get an academy award. I really hate it cause I feel like I'm lying to them. Help my out please! What would you all do? Like I said, I'm still in shock..............hugs and love.............found
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 12:15am

Not to give your H a free pass, but under the circumstances, it is easy to see why he took a drink after all these years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 7:49am

I'm in a bit of a different situation but I'll weigh in with my opinion anyhow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 10:44am

I remember you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 9:15am

H,


Thank you for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 12:56pm

I keep asking myself why have I done so much acting and hiding the facts to protect them from all that he has done and here he goes and does it again.