Video game led to emotional affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2012
Video game led to emotional affair
3
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:12pm
We bought an iPad for our son, who is delayed and has low vision. My husband discovered some of the game apps and one in particular, a Renaissance-ish war game, caught his fancy. A bump in our relationship has ALWAYS been video games. He gets so over-involved in them, he'll waste an entire day playing pretend war. The iPad being portable just made things worse. He checked his game obsessively. Tuesday night he was out and the iPad had a notification from this game while I was doing vision therapy with my son. After therapy was done I turnd on the game to get rid of the notification - and was shocked. The game has a messaging feature and I read 37 pages of emails between my husband and "LadyVixen." The ones that hurt the most were when he called her "honey" and "my little secret" and when he was obviously chatting with her when our two boys were around. I am so angry, hurt, embarrassed, sad, insulted, used (he's been unemployed for he last year), manipulated, lied to and stupid. I was a history minor in college, so that this person was in a idealized Renaissance game insults my intelligence. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because it's so ridiculous and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 1:34pm
Well did he agree to stop talking to her? Or any other women on the video game for that matter. To him it may not seem real. Did he take this beyond the game that you know of? Thing is men get bored easily when their at home all day with no job to occupy their time, so they tend to "get into things" like too much gaming or porn on the computer, that they wouldn't have time for if they were at work. Shouldn't he be out looking for work instead of spending hours playing video games on the computer? This tends to become a bad habit (addiction) and the more into it he gets, the less motivated he will be to get a job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2012
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 5:53am
I did confront him and instantly got "I'm so sorry" and "I don't know where my head was." He didn't deny anything but seemed a bit surprised at my visceral reaction. So he probably saw her as some fantasy. He keeps saying "I never thought any of this was real." Too bad my heart is really broken.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 2:37am

Do you think that maybe he didn't see her as a real person and more like a fantasy character in a video game? Not that it's any excuse for his behavior. Is that as far as it went or did he become faebook friends with her or communicate with her in any way other than thru the video game?