We have a 7 month old!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
We have a 7 month old!
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 12:55pm

HI, I just found out last Thursday my husband was cheating on me. My suspicions had formed a while ago, but it wasn't until last Wednesday that I started checking up on him.

So my husband is a personal trainer at his own studio. Well, I noticed that there were some VERY flirtatious messages between him and one of his clients.

I confronted him about it and he, of course, because very mean and defensive. After he did this, I figured that there was definitely more to it. Even if he wasn't being physical, I knew that there something going on. He just wouldn't admit it.

The next afternoon I decided to drop by his work. He was there, and so was she. Wow, that's luck... I thought. I asked her if I could talk to her, but she just said it was between my husband and I. She got in her car and I yelled at her that it's between all of us now if she doesn't stop the flirting.

I was definitely acting out, and I wasn't proud of my behavior, but I thought she was being a child. My husband then told me off, saying I was white trash and that he wanted to divorce me.

Later that day, I decided to call the woman myself. I asked her why she was sending msgs like that and that I knew she had a crush on my husband. She replied by telling me I was blind and she was obviously sleeping with my husband.

She's married also, but apparently separated from her surgeon husband. She got nasty and told me they loved each other. When we got off the phone, I called my husband and told him that she told me everything.

The next day we talked with our friend mediating. He told me she was the only one and that he wasn't hiding anything else. He said he didn't love her. So I tried to believe what he was saying but it just didn't feel right. He kept swearing to me that it was the truth.

Well luckily I'm smarter than him and know how to find info on a Blackberry. A few days later I was looking through some sent msgs and found some from another girl he had been sleeping with.

What's worse is that we have a 7 month old son together. He started cheating on my 2 months after I gave birth to our child. It just disgusts me.

He wants me to believe that he will fix things, but I don't know if he will ever tell me the whole truth.

Also, he told me that one of his friend (who is also married with a 8 month old) is having relations with a woman. I told him that I was going to call, but he told me to stay out of it.

Well, I call his friend anyway. He basically talked bad about my husband, saying, "That's my boy, but he and I are not on the same level. Basically the things he was saying about his "character" were the same things my husband says about his. I think they are both just lying scum.

I just don't know what to do. Help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 1:47pm
Welcome to the board - I am sorry for your pain but you have found a place where everyone understands exactly how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 3:02pm
we have alot in common! i found out last thursday too and i felt something wasn't right and i checked his phone and lo and behold...he was chatting away on myspace to this girl that i know. he would meet her at the gym everyday and sometimes on weekends. i feel your pain. although after today i feel we are on the road to recovery, i was considering counseling. religious marriage counseling. bring God into it. i felt that's the only way i can heal. of course do it how you feel comfortable, religious or not. my heart hurts, i havent eaten since sunday, i can't sleep for fear he'll get up and check a new email account he made up...my wheels are constantly turning even though he said it was over with her. you can't stop the fear, anger, and sadness, or what if's, but you can heal. if anything, let him knwo you can make it with or without him. and we have a 2 year old together. so i know it's hard, especially having children with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Fri, 07-10-2009 - 8:02am
The website you recommended (betrayedspouse101) is awesome, thank you. I just printed the entire "Rebuilding From the Ashes" section.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-10-2009 - 2:24pm
Glad you got something out of it - I just responded to your post and mentioned it there before I read this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2009
Sat, 07-11-2009 - 5:14pm

I am so so sorry that you have to be going through this. It is the worst thing in the world.

My H's A started when our son was 6 months old, and I found out when he was 15 months. I want so badly to erase everything in our lives from that time - but that would mean throwing out all of the photos of our beautiful baby, and this makes me really angry.

I know that this hurt is still really fresh for you, and maybe you don't have all of the facts yet, but I wanted to ask you if you felt that this had anything to do with the birth of your child. We went through a really rough time with ours and, while this doesn't justify what he did, I think it does explain some things.

One realization I have come to is that if you can't get to a place where you are confident that your H is being totally honest with you, it will be impossible to move forward in your relationship. I don't know if I'm there yet (it's hard to separate from trust in general, which has been destroyed for me), and it's been just over 2 months since D-Day.

How are things going for you now? Have you been talking with your H?