What do i believe?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
What do i believe?
11
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 10:52am

I am very concerned over a "friendship" my husband is/was having.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
In reply to: fmr627
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 12:24pm

he may be just as in the dark. but trust your instincts. getting the H of the OW involved is a good move. as you are correctly guessing, there is more here than they are telling you. one way to really confirm is to see if there is a way to actually see the content of the texts, or pretend you are away and follow your H. if you can afford it, you can hire a PI as well. but..you are right.. something is surely not right about any of this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: fmr627
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 1:32pm

HI..


i can really relate to your post. I have a very similiar situation going on and I am devestated... My H had been texting my friend and also another woman, (an Ex girlfriend)... He was texting these two woman each 20 to 100 times a day, however not too many phone calls.. He was also doing it at work and on his commute home and when he stepped in the door the texts would stop, I checked the phone bill tool...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
In reply to: fmr627
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 9:35am

What do you believe?


You definitely do not believe your husband or her. The facts and evidence do not match their words.


Your husband is investing his time, thought and energy into another relationship. The volume and amount of texting and calls are excessive. He is acting like a single man behind your back. When you are not around then he is pursuing her with texts and communication. He is spending the majority of his time either with her at the office or talking to her while out of the office. When is the last time he took you on a date? When is the last time he texted you something romantic? When is the last time he scheduled a romantic getaway for just the two of you? When is the last time he brought you home flowers or a little gift? When is the last time the two of you had a candlelit dinner? When is the last time he flirted with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: fmr627
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 10:59am

Five Diamond Wife-


I read your response to - what do I believe? It was wonderful.. Thankyou so much for posting...As you know I am struggling with similiar issues...You really make a lot of sense......


It is just too bad that the people we love can be so hurtful.. Why cant life be easy...We respect our spouse and they respect us??? Ahhhh.. Not sooo easy and not so simple...


You gave great advice and a big thank to you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
In reply to: fmr627
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 1:06pm

I SO understand your pain. Maybe it will help you to hear my story, or maybe not. But I'll give you the short version.


My husband met the OW at work and it started out as friendship, conversation, emails, and texts. But mostly LOTS of conversation. Then, those conversations turned to subjects that "friends" do not discuss together. And it excalated from there. Staying late at the office doing "paperwork" until 10-11 at night, when all they were doing was talking and the paperwork didn't get done at all. He took time that could have been spent with me and fixing our marriage and he invested it in her. It eventually got to the physical stuff, but then fizzled out shortly after. He and I are currently separated and trying to figure out our next move. I think he wants out of here and out of his job but it is never that easy. I think the OW still wants him and would take him back in a minute, but, from what he says, he doesnt see her like that anymore and doesnt want that "mess". Unfortunately I am still not to the point of believing him and truly don't believe much of what he says. But I am trying. He knows he needs to be more transparent and give me proof of what I don't believe, to rebuild trust.


I guess my point here is, my H affair began with texts and a lot of them, going to the car to talk instead of talking to her in front of me, and emailing her with the computer faced away from me. If there is nothing to hide, then why hide? I have learned to trust my gut thru this ordeal...it is almost always correct. My H cannot believe that he was capable of doing this to me...the hurt he caused. He didnt see it coming...and now it cannot be taken back. I hope your H can see the slippery slope he is headed towards. He is entering the "fog" and it is difficult to get out. My H was okay with the fact that the OW had loads of debt, a crazy soon to be ex, and 3 kids who would hate my H if they ended up together. He didnt care about any of those issues, only his own fun and self-indulgence and supposed "great conversation". He didnt care about any of the bad, because the good was worth it. That was the fog talking. I hope your husband will turn back towards you and the M and avoid what could be...


thinking of you-


amarina

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: fmr627
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 2:40pm

My wife too was texting a lot, but said it was her sister and mother.. One night after she was asleep, I opened up her texts on her blackberry. They were planning on meeting the next day in a town half between where he and she lived, on a Saturday. She had already told me she "might" spend some time with a female work friend because her friends parents are both really sick and she is having marriage problems.. What a crock...


Go with your gut. If it tells you someything is going on, it probably is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
In reply to: fmr627
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 11:27pm

What's the worse that can happen by calling her? She knows your watching? a bit suspect? Is that a bad thing? What's the worse thing that can happen by not calling her? They decide to meet? they sleep together, not meaning to of course, they continue with the emotional affair they are having now?


Sounds like if you weigh things out - you'd want to talk to someone who could give you some answers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
In reply to: fmr627
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:55am

First, i want to thank everyone for their replies, support and good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
In reply to: fmr627
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 1:20pm

My dear,


This is an affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
In reply to: fmr627
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 1:51pm

I believe you are right... things are not adding up.


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