What if your gut feeling is wrong...how?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
What if your gut feeling is wrong...how?
22
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 3:37pm

Just like I said it. You've had this gut feeling and it's down deep. Even though there has been things that you think that might lead to your spouse having an affair. But, they keep saying no.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 9:12am

Oh I know!! I've been trying to find out who found them or said they found them and nobody will talk!! I've been discreet to keep my dignity and respect the people I'm talking to cause they don't want to get (involved). I have a business of my own and I have to be careful cause I don't want to ruin my reputation. I'm a nail tech and hair stylist and I know how things like gossip can get started!! I have to keep myself going.


I made a decision the other night to ask for a separation. I told him what he said in the middle of the night about yelling out "We got caught". He said I go to bed every night praying I don't say anything about another woman!! I pray I don't say a word cause I never know what I'm going to say truth or false!!!


Then I told him about knowing somebody said they caught them in the barn. He told me that somebody said they found him and the other woman F*** the Sh** out of each other in the barn with his ball cap on backwards. He asked me when do I ever where my hat on backwards? I said I don't know.....we never made love with you hat on!! He explained there would be no way that somebody could get away with screwing around in the shed. It's to open.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 7:42pm

I have asked him to find the person who started the rumor so I could talk to him. He said he didn't know if he could and he has tried and so has the other woman. So, he says. I can understand if he can't find the person who said they found them screwing in the golf barn.


The other night we went out to eat. Late super. Anyway, we sat down and not 10 min later guess who walks in with her family. At that hour. Her and her family. I about came unglued!! They were sat right next to our table so she was facing me and my husband. Her husband heard some words that came out of my mouth. I said You've got to be **%$ kidding me!! Kinda loud but not really. Anyway, her husband heard me and he just looked my way and didn't have any reaction at all. Now her on the other hand was hiding behind her hands on her mouth. She would turn her body from side to side. I knew she was nervous. But, either way if they have or hadn't.....she know's I think they are....so.......

Avatar for michellewyo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 2:55am
Unfortunately, gut feelings are rarely wrong.
Michelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 2:18pm

I been reading your story for the past few days. Your gut is telling you something and I would almost bet my life that your H is lying to you. Have you noticed how crazy this is sounding?


Someone saw him in the barn? He is trying to not bump into her? She is uncomfortable? He is praying he dont say anything in his sleep?


HE SHOULD BE PRAYING YOU DONT HURT HIM IN HIS SLEEP.


A cheater will deny to the end IF THEY CAN. They dont want to hurt no one. They are in the fantasy. When REALITY kicks in- they go on survival mode.


I hate to sound cold- but there is no sugar coating to this.


You are wanting to believe your H- watch his actions. Quit accusing him and sit back and let him think all is ok and under control. THEN WATCH HIM.


If he is truly scared- he will put an end to this. If he is waiting until the dust settles- then he will be back at it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:18am

You know I did stop accusing him for over a year 1/2. And I kept telling myself if God wanted me to know then in all due time He will tell me when I'm ready. I sat back. And I waited and kept very quiet. There was a time when I thought.....well..... maybe nothing is going on now. Here in the last few months...... the gut came back to me for some odd reason. Now this rumor started. It is so weird that you do get these feelings. My friends and you guys have always said more that likely your gut does not lie! It's like your body goes out of your own body, turns around and points a finger at you and says LISTEN.....LISTEN really nice and quiet. And you know you look off to the side and you do listen....but.....here I am.....questioning my gut over and over and over. It's a horrible cycle!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 5:25pm

I am confused.


When you questioned him awhile back- were you questioning him about the same girl?


What made you question things back then?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 10:02pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 7:07am

You are right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2010
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 8:23pm

M-to-Go:

Hi. It is very common to believe one's spouse. Even when one's gut feeling runs counter to the statements of one's spouse, still we believe in our spouse. We have trusted our spouse with our life and our love and our heart. Of course we are going to believe them when they tell us something.

I lived with the conflict between my "gut" and my wife's denials for 14 years!

It was only, and I mean only, the very real threat that I was leaving, that she finally admitted to a very small portion of her 11+ year affair. The realm of the LTA took six weeks of trickle truth.

But now, after 18 months since D-Day, my "gut" tells me she is still hiding a lot about her LTA. And yet a very big part of me WANTS to believe her.

The conflict is ripping me apart, as I am sure it is happening to you also.

If anything, your wanting to believe your spouse shows what incredible integrity and loyalty you have.

Stay strong and take care of your self first.

David in Oregon

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 1:26pm

Wow!!! Thank you!! You have no idea how much that means to me! Even from a stranger. I am a good wife and mother. Sometimes I think it's just not fair that I or us have to go through this. I walk in a haze of what