What if your gut feeling is wrong...how?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
What if your gut feeling is wrong...how?
22
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 3:37pm

Just like I said it. You've had this gut feeling and it's down deep. Even though there has been things that you think that might lead to your spouse having an affair. But, they keep saying no.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 9:39am

When this all first started 2 or more years ago he did act like I was crazy and it's all in my head. Very defensive. And then when he cried like your wife did. It does make you wonder if they are crying for you or for themselves. I honestly think actions speak louder and by seeing how they have acted towards each other and her towards me........I'm just shaking my head here.......something happened. Getting caught screwing in the golf barn with his hat turned backwards is to much detail. That is from his mouth. Not anybody else. He heard it and told me. So....... Sometimes I think by thinking he's being honest with me and telling me about the rumors is his way of covering his little secrete. Try to detour me around it. That is my opinion. You know like this is what they are saying.......and in his head he is thinking.....if I tell you this......maybe she won't think it's is true.


SO....I'm saving money. Gonna boot him out as soon as I can. Even if something didn't happen.......I can't live like I am and to be honest......I don't love him anymore. I'm scared to death......but in the end I really think I will be better off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 1:35pm
Your gut feeling is probably right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 1:26pm

Wow!!! Thank you!! You have no idea how much that means to me! Even from a stranger. I am a good wife and mother. Sometimes I think it's just not fair that I or us have to go through this. I walk in a haze of what

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2010
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 8:23pm

M-to-Go:

Hi. It is very common to believe one's spouse. Even when one's gut feeling runs counter to the statements of one's spouse, still we believe in our spouse. We have trusted our spouse with our life and our love and our heart. Of course we are going to believe them when they tell us something.

I lived with the conflict between my "gut" and my wife's denials for 14 years!

It was only, and I mean only, the very real threat that I was leaving, that she finally admitted to a very small portion of her 11+ year affair. The realm of the LTA took six weeks of trickle truth.

But now, after 18 months since D-Day, my "gut" tells me she is still hiding a lot about her LTA. And yet a very big part of me WANTS to believe her.

The conflict is ripping me apart, as I am sure it is happening to you also.

If anything, your wanting to believe your spouse shows what incredible integrity and loyalty you have.

Stay strong and take care of your self first.

David in Oregon

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 7:07am

You are right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 10:02pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 5:25pm

I am confused.


When you questioned him awhile back- were you questioning him about the same girl?


What made you question things back then?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:18am

You know I did stop accusing him for over a year 1/2. And I kept telling myself if God wanted me to know then in all due time He will tell me when I'm ready. I sat back. And I waited and kept very quiet. There was a time when I thought.....well..... maybe nothing is going on now. Here in the last few months...... the gut came back to me for some odd reason. Now this rumor started. It is so weird that you do get these feelings. My friends and you guys have always said more that likely your gut does not lie! It's like your body goes out of your own body, turns around and points a finger at you and says LISTEN.....LISTEN really nice and quiet. And you know you look off to the side and you do listen....but.....here I am.....questioning my gut over and over and over. It's a horrible cycle!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 2:18pm

I been reading your story for the past few days. Your gut is telling you something and I would almost bet my life that your H is lying to you. Have you noticed how crazy this is sounding?


Someone saw him in the barn? He is trying to not bump into her? She is uncomfortable? He is praying he dont say anything in his sleep?


HE SHOULD BE PRAYING YOU DONT HURT HIM IN HIS SLEEP.


A cheater will deny to the end IF THEY CAN. They dont want to hurt no one. They are in the fantasy. When REALITY kicks in- they go on survival mode.


I hate to sound cold- but there is no sugar coating to this.


You are wanting to believe your H- watch his actions. Quit accusing him and sit back and let him think all is ok and under control. THEN WATCH HIM.


If he is truly scared- he will put an end to this. If he is waiting until the dust settles- then he will be back at it.

Avatar for michellewyo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 2:55am
Unfortunately, gut feelings are rarely wrong.
Michelle

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