What a mess
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|Sun, 12-22-2013 - 9:58pm|
Not sure Im in the right place, please let me know if not.
5 years a go I had an affair that was discovered by my husband. It had already ended and I wanted nothing to do with the person anymore, but he was understandbly very devestated. Around this time I was also drinking alot, and just being pretty irresponsible. I admit the drinking was out of control.
Whenever my husband has an argument with me he immediately says he wants a divorce. I've gotten used to being his way of wanting me to stop fighting with him, because he knows I dont want a divorce.
Apparently recently he felt that I was acting like I had been drinking when I was not. There were a couple of evenings that we had wine and I was much woozier than normal so i can understand his concern about that , as he doesnt want me to go back to drinking like I did.
This past week, Iphoned him from work as I usually do late at night (I work 24 hour shifts). No answer, tried numerous times and started to get really worried, as this is VERY unusual. I had security from our development go over and check the house, no answer. By this time its 11 pm and i got someone to come in and cover for me so that I could find out whats wrong. I was terrified thinking something had happened to him and I hadnt been there to help.
Surprise! His car is gone! No answer on his cell phone, which I called an left messages on numerous times. At this point, I realize that his tootbrush is gone, and his underware drawer looks picked through. I drank some wine to calm down and finally went to sleep at 3am.
At 5 am he finally comes home. Turns out he was at some womans house. He claims she's just being friendly, but I dont buy that. He admits he was there from about 6pm until 4am. Also says he slept naked in her bed but nothing happened.
After many hours of crying and screaming and wondering WTF, I told him I wanted to continue to work things out, but any third person cant be a part of it. He said, he doesnt have any plans to see her "right now". Then basically telling me that I have to change in order for the marriage to work and he will not commit to not seeing this person unless there is some big change in my behavior involving seeming drunk.
I am devestated at this point. I dont believe we can work anything out while I am under so much anxiety thinking he is going to run to this woman anytime. He wont tell me who she is or how they met. I at least think that I have a right to know how they met and how much has gone on, but he will not tell. He is looking at this as me getting what I deserved for cheating on him.
I dont know what to do. I am not in the financial position at this point to just leave. Stupidly enough, I still love him and there are many great things about him and our relationship. I cant beleive that he feels no remorse for doing this, especially when i have tortured myself for years over my major mistake.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I really have no friends to talk to about this, and was hoping someone here might have some advice or experience.