What were you doing at the time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
What were you doing at the time?
14
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 10:36am

Do any of you ever wonder what you were doing at the time the cheating was going on?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 11:24am
...my husband was in and out of the country at the time that he was involved with his girl friend...6 hour difference...I don't remember being able to place what I was doing...but, I found the proof after he was dead...reading the proof was hard as it brought to focus the pain that I had caused and his reaction to the pain, which was sad...for so many reasons...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 11:00am
Yes, I have done that before...I know I shouldn't because it seems like a form of self torture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:33pm

oh yes , self torture,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 11:20pm
Ok I am a person who has to know in order to file it away and move on. So I put my calendar, my credit card statement, phone bill call statement out in the floor...... I moved from date to date... it was really easy to track...... he always withdrew $200 ... phone and texting ( you know, the constant chatter..) would be 0 for a while 30 min up to an hour and then bam... it would start up..... the cell tower hits told where they were driving to and from---- I live in a small town... near a large city so cell coverage hits on different places..... mind you I only did this once.... that was enough.... I made copies to have as proof in case of divorce or law suit.... it was easy for me as I was home recovering from a c section and had only a baby to care for and lots of crazy thoughts and no driving ability... which is probably why I am not in the jail house!! It calmed me to know about it as they thought they were so slick.... I could tell him "hey I did not realize it takes 18 minutes to reach the Best Western..... and just walk away.... the look on his face was priceless....
It is a sad thing to have to track your own husband's movements after they lie to your face. It sucks to have to the rug pulled out from under your life. All for a piece of a**. So Sad.
I am three years + out from it and doing well. Hang in there, make decisions based on your knowledge of YOU and YOUR needs and wants..... I would wait for a 3 month period and then make the decision that needed to be made at the time. Time is your friend. Hugs to all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 12:20am

During the EA, I was trying to alternatively give him space and be lovingly supportive because he was so depressed about the sudden downturn in his career.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 1:33am

My H had a long term sordid affair. It hurt so much when I was able to look back and remember many times when I used to kid with him about an OW and he would laugh it off. When I learned that what I was naively joking about was actually true, I felt like such the fool.


I also learned that I was cooking him Sunday breakfast shortly after he had snuck out in the wee hours to "do" her.


I would be home studying (nursing school) and he would go to the "casino".


How can these cheaters be ok with sooooo many endless lies, I will NEVER understand!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2009
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 1:59pm
.....Trusting my husband, go figure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 12:12am

I’m so sorry, that is just wrong and none of us should have to endure anything like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 12:13am
Good one!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 11:14am

Well, one night that he was in her office getting his nightly BJ, I was at home, laying in bed, trying to reach him because I had just gotten a test result back that showed I was in preterm labor. I kept calling and calling because I needed him to get a prescription ASAP. My OB kept calling me saying that it was a real emergency and she had to get the prescription to me and needed to know where to call in the prescription (his office was in a different area than the pharmacy I usually went to). She was trying to keep from hospitalizing me but said that if I didn't have the meeds in an hour, she would have to send an ambulance for me. Then, to make matters worse, she said "don't you have a girlfriend I can call?" I told her that all my friends were on a girls weekend out of town which was a lie. The truth was I didn't have any friends in that town who were close enough to call at 9:30pm to ask for help. All of my friends were 3000 miles away. Finally, he called back, in a panic, thAt didn't sound like real concern for me and claimed to be in a meeting in the office next to his and that he had forgotten his cell phone. At the time, it didn't make any sense but I was too concerned about my baby to focus on it. The next day I questioned him. You didn't hear the phone ringing? No, he said the doors were closed. Then he acted like I was picking on him and like I was a total impossible b**ch for questioning him and I thought "wow, there I go again, being so difficult" and well....it went on.

Another time he was away with her for a week on a business trip and I was home with my three week old daughter who was born a month early. He didn't have to go on the trip...one of his partners was going to cover for him because the trip corresponded with the week before my dd's original due date. I later was told, by him, that he decided to go on this trip when I wouldn't give him BJ's or a Hand J in the days after I delivered my dd.

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