Where is he??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Where is he??
8
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 12:48pm

All I've done for the past week is wonder where he is at EVERY moment. I called him on his way home from work on Monday. He cut the call a little short and I thought, "I bet he's calling OW." I checked his phone this morning and didn't see any calls to her... but he could have erased them.


If I call him and he doesn't answer I automatically assume the worst. It's awful. I get scared and I start to shake. I feel a sense of panic until he finally calls back or comes home.


I don't know what to do. I've been driven to tears on a daily basis. I'll be doing something unrelated and not even thinking about it and all the sudden I'll start crying. (While I'm driving, standing in line at the store, putting on makeup, reading a book... I can't escape it.)


I never thought my life would end up like this. I never thought my marriage would be a scary place.


What do I do? Do I tell him how I feel? I'm afraid if I tell him, it will push him over the edge and he'll want to get a divorce- I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 1:39pm

Honey, I feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 1:41pm
I understand how you feel. I'm in a constant state of anxiety and am thinking about taking anti-depressants. You need to sit w/your H and tell him what you need from him to feel safe. Complete transparency and therapy or else he'd out the door. I'm afraid most of these cheaters need huge wake up calls before they change. They are completely self absorbed and don't understand the pain they have inflicted on us. Therapy does help them w/that, though. You should get some counseling as well. You can't bear this burden alone.My thoughts are w/you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 2:08pm

BTDT, in fact I spent the entire last weekend in that state.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 3:42pm

Well technically I found out about OW about 2 months ago. But I waiting until I had concrete evidence, which came in the form of stumbling upon their date one night. But "actual" D Day was a month ago, tomorrow. Lately I started to feel a little bit better. I was eating a healthier diet, getting some more sleep, being able to get through a day without the thought of them plaguing me.


Then out of no where I just started panicking. I think these might be panic attacks. I start to shake, cry, get a sudden headache, have a hard time breathing normally and I get VERY intense feelings of anxiety. I can't focus on anything else. It consumes me. It floods my mind. I'm truly scared.


How did the rest of you get through these times (when you felt anxious)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 4:38pm
You are anxious for a reason. Something is not right and it's your body telling you to pay attention.Maybe he has contact again and you sense something. I don't know, but you really have to listen to your gut.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 4:40pm
This is NOT unusual, so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 9:57pm

never,


if you do not talk/talk/scream/discuss etc all that is in you, it will never be relieved and recovery and peace of mind for you will be hard to obtain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 04-24-2009 - 11:46pm

You are not alone in feeling that extreme anxiety at this point. I remember being at work just shaking in the bathroom. He had lost his job about that time too so I was freakin out because he had lots of time on his hands and OW knew it too. It got worse because I got his phone one day and heard a VM from OW telling him how much she missed him and telling him to answer the phone.


So yes,