Why??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
Why??
2
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 5:08pm
Hello I am new to this group but far from new to the situation. My H had an affair a year and a half ago. He slept with someone almost half our age. She made him feel like a man. according to her. He said I always berated him and made him feel unwanted. Because I wanted bills paid on time and someone involved with their family. Long story short I forgave him and thought we had moved on. But, my gut would not let me get too comfortable in our relationship. She contacted me via email to let me know they have been talking. I know she is not lying by the conversation we had. He swears he has had no contact and his friends have been keeping her informed. I know he's lying but he won't admit He knows I'm on the verge of walking out. Really putting him out and he does not want this. I'm so tired of the lack opf trust and we can't seem to move on. I just want honesty and I can't get thaat from him.Don't know how far I'm going to allow this to go on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
In reply to: fjack6wea
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 7:57pm
Sadly, the answer to why is always the same. No matter what they tell you, it is because they are being selfish and self centered. They are taking a 'fantasy vacation' from their reality, what ever it is - which includes their lives with us, and they get involved in an A. Are you in MC? Have you gone at all? I really do recommend it, if he won't go with you, go alone, there are many low cost places you can find. Don't be too fast to jump to the gun, make sure you have proof! She might just be telling you something to get you to throw him out or get him away from you or angry at each other. The OW in my case is doing that and has been doing that. I guess she figures her chances are better if she causes us to fight and maybe I'll lock him out again or cause us to fight and give her a better chance at my H. Perhaps you should have NC with her either. So many of these APs will take any little scrap just to be in contact or close to the man of 'their dreams!" My MC said that even negative contact is a scrap they long for and being in touch or making the BS crazy is sport for them. And makes them think they might have a chance again. Keep your cool til you have proof, and see if you can get MC....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: fjack6wea
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 8:16am

Saying "I forgive you" and "moving on" don't even begin to do the work of rebuilding - it's just a start.