I've been reading posts on this board for about six months, but have not commented until now. First, let me say that I am sorry you find yourself here and for the heartbreaking situation you have uncovered. I felt the same way, even though my experience is different than yours...another woman.
Please make it a priority to have yourself checked for std's. Sex between men can be very dangerous and you cannot trust your husband to be totally honest about what has happened with these men. Take care of yourself first. Should you decide to continue intimacy with your husband, you must require him to undergo testing also -- no exceptions!
This board has helped me so much in understanding betrayal and I hope it does the same for you. Again, I am sorry for your heartbreak.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've just found this site too. I've been with my H 25 years, there are no words to describe the devastation
Please go to see a therapist to work on this and help you, because guess what? You are probably not responsible for the intimacy problems in your marriage. Because your husband IS gay. No straight man would be out looking for oral sex from a man. Period. Ask your gay friends, they will tell you.
You must get tested for STDs (you absolutely cannot believe the story that he only had oral sex) and you must get a therapist to talk to to work through this. It is a huge betrayal to have your spouse have an affair, it is whole other ballgame to discover he has a different sexual orientation than you thought and has been hiding it from you and blames you for it.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please, please go find a professional to talk to.
i am an "oldster" here with my dday back in 2006.
I'm a newcomer and I'm
As I mentioned earlier to "scarred" I haven't approached my partner about these e-mails (at least 15 or more of them)
Please check out this website: http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php
It has been highly recommended by someone who was in a similar situation.
PS. Gal, sorry I forgot to take my hat off.
Everyone else has given you good advice, but I would also add that you should see a lawyer ASAP. You don't want to be M to him and you don't have to be. You don't need his permission to start the process or to simply gather information.
Also, you can't make him leave, but you don't have to let him sleep with you. Make him live in another room.
One more thing, you say you haven't told anyone, but I want to tell you that the only thing you are doing by maintaining your silence is protecting him from the consequences of his behavior and that does him no favors. I am not saying you should shout it from the roof tops, but you should not rob yourself from the support of other people to protect him.
Thank you to everyone for your support.
I had a breakdown today because I can't take anymore of this pretending that everything is alright. I don't want to protect him anymore. I want to tell my family what is happening but he doesn't want me to say anything because it will hurt our children. He is very close with them and I know they'll be devastated when they find out.
My first appointment with a therapist is tomorrow and I'm going alone. It's my decision to go alone because it's time for ME. I need to start thinking about myself and not him.