Why is it still hurtin so much ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Why is it still hurtin so much ?
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 8:36pm

Hi, My partner cheated on me back in april. We have 2 kids and a family home together having been together 14 years. I found out cos she come in from a staff night out 4am with a love bite on her neck. after much confrontation I found out she had slept with a male colleague wih whom she worked with, I was later reliably

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 7:36am

Sounds like this is all quite tough on you, with no direction to head, no plan to make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2009
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 10:40am

I am so sorry. I know the pain you feel. How do you know this person will not come back into your marriage once the army is done with him. I think you need to get some power back into your life. Why not go out one nite a week by yourself, even if only to a movie. Don't tell her where you are going

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 7:51pm

Thanks for the advice, I dont know if this heartbreak and pain is ever going to end. I hide i t so well from her, which is probably the problem.

I think a disapearing act could be a good idea, maybe have her mind working overtime,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 9:23pm
expressing the pain of betrayal will help you to heal Gaz it is so very important for you to do this
her reaction to you when you do this will tell you what you need to know
if this does not work tell her that you need to go to marriage counseling together or you are ready to walk and find someone who cares enough to want to know how you feel
if she realizes that you are considering leaving she might change her attitude about not wanting to hear you and brushing you off
it is tuff love with these people
be proud of yourself you have wonderful qualities and are not running around on her in retaliation
you care enough to give her a chance to change, you care about your children and family - be thankful for your sanity hehe
I tell my husband as much pain as I am in - I am glad I am not him
He is the one who has to live with being a lie and a cheat
Peace & Strength to you
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 11:55pm

Hi, yes it is going to still hurt very much. It has only been four months since dday for you. I remember being a complete mess at that point. I am now almost two years out from dday#2 and I still hurt, just not as deeply as in the earlier days.

It takes a long time for healing from this type of trauma. If your partner is not willing to help you along then you should insist on couples counseling.

Take care of yourself and you might also want to check out the "180".

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Thu, 08-27-2009 - 8:18pm

Retaliation is not the answer, I would like my partner to feel the hurt I am feeling so she knows its not good with your emotions running high 24/7 and the gut wrenching hurt all the time.