Why in the world does the OW get mad at MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010
Why in the world does the OW get mad at MM
23
Wed, 07-24-2013 - 10:05am

We have been rebuilding for five years and we are at a very good place. My DH is an amazing man and we now have a M made in heaven. It took me a very long time to figure out how in the world does any woman get involved with a MM when she knows he is M. I am 50 and while I still don't understand what makes a woman do this, I realize that some women don't care about M, have extremely low self esteem where they don't mind receiving crumbs from a MM and some are just narcisisitc who don't care about hurting other ppl as long as they get what they want. I read OW boards for years trying to understand the behavior of a woman who would stoop low enough to sleep with someone they know is M and finally I began to sympathize with some of them and understand that some women are just co-dependent and broken. This does not dismiss the fact that MM who cheat have low self esteem and terrible coping skills. Otherwise they would end their M and be single and sleep with whoever they want to without bringing their wives into a forced threesome. Anyway, one thing that I cannot understand for the life of me is why does the xow think that she is being "thrown under a bus" and get angry with the MM once he decides he no longer wants to be a cheater and liar and commits to his M? Why do they think that they were somehow done wrong? How does one get so self centered to allow themselves to be a third party in a M and then get angry when they are ejected from the MM's life? Why do they often say that the MM chose his W when the W was already chosen in the first place? This is a great mystery in my mind. How in the can they think that what they were doing with a MM is right, and what do they tell themselves while they are doing it. I remember looking at the Rielle Hunter interview where she called Elizabeth clueless and talked about the great love that she and Johnny share and SMDH wondering what planet is she from. Also, every post reads that it was the best s*x they ever had and that they are soul mates with the MM. Seriously??? My DH and I share a kind of intimacy that words can never describe because we know every inch of each other's bodies and have spent years studying each other both in and out of the bedroom.


OK, that is my rant for today. I guess I will never understand that level selfishness and denial.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 07-29-2013 - 11:46am

 

Re: 'evil MM and SW-s': just thought of an example. A couple whose marriage was arranged by their god-fearing traditional parents. Two people who have nothing in common either as people or as man and woman are forced to co-exist and reproduce. Just  about bear each other for the sake of 'life for family and faith'. Then one of the two meets someone who they were meant to be with and falls madly in love - and it's reciprocated.

That's just one of HUNDREDS of circumstances. There isn't a trace of evil or lack of self-esteem /boundaries in this hypothetical case..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 07-29-2013 - 11:55am

This is not a debate board.  That is what the "All Sides of an Affair Board" was set up to be--dialog between those who have been in affairs or currently are and those who are betrayed spouses. Support is helpful, not attacking comments, IMHO.

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 08-04-2013 - 2:02am

It does feel like this post managed to reach the debate point.  Some of us believe a man and a woman can be nothing BUT friends who wouldn't step over appropriate boundaries....and some seem to be unable to do that.  I know that because I'm the first and my DH appeared to be the last until lightening hit him and he realized what he was going to lose.  I think when a man and a woman go somewhere alone WITHOUT their spouse(s), that's a date.  To me that's a boundary being ignored.  I also know women who go out for beers with the guys on Friday nights after work routinely, without their spouses, and they don't see an issue there.  The thing is we need to determine boundaries for our relationships and then stick to them.  So many of us skip that step right from the start. 

 

Pages