Will I ever stop?
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|Wed, 09-11-2013 - 7:03pm|
I am right at 3 months since D Day. Although I had a feeling that something might be going on, I never really knew until one day when it was meant for me to find out. My husband did not have the typical affair, if there is such a thing. He met this girl half his age he worked with at her apartment on his lunch once a 4 to 6 weeks for a year. He was always home at night, took our vacations as normal but we were definitely disconnected. I threw myself into work and ignored the marriage as well. We were premature empty nesters, middle age and this girl made him feel young again for 5 minutes and then guilty. She is your typical gold digger looking for a sugar daddy. I am not saying this out of anger or jealousy but because there are facts. She was fired from her last job for the same thing. She uses men all the time and my husband was another easy target. After, I found out which was because I went to our cell account to put in my employee discount code and saw some unusual activity to which he immediately confessed, she tried to blackmail and extort money from him. She asked for $100 a week to go away quietly, etc... He has not had any contact with her since and she was fired (she told coworkers she resigned) from their place of employment. He is so relieved it is over and out in the open that it almost pisses me off. My pain was so intense that I still cannot believe how bad something like this can hurt. I never expected this from him either. It is so out of character.
My problem is that I thought for sure that I could get over it. When he first told me, he told me that he would answer all questions honestly and some I wish he had not but when you first gain the knowledge, you want to know some details. It has been three months and I am much better. I make it through days without crying. I am back to eating normally. I feel better at work. I am a supervisor and this whole summer I felt like I was just existing. Thank goodness my business was slow this summer and my employees were sympathetic and helpful.
When will I stop thinking about it? I am going to end up pushing him away. I will go days without mentioning it and then BOOM! something will trigger a memory about a time he said this or did that and I am remembering the betrayal. This happened to us this morning after several great days in a row where I feel like we are falling back in love with each other. I freaked out over something so small but it debilitated me and I called off work. This was only the second time I have called in since I found out June 12th.
We have only done some on-line, self help counseling. It was helpful but he is not interested in going to a local counselor. This self help reading has even gotten less for me as I feel better so this is why I am here. I need to know from those who are with their spouses and all parties are on board to make their marriage even better how do you stop remembering or having affair images? I do not want to push him away but I do not know if I can do this anymore.
By the way, D day was one month before our 13th wedding anniversary. This is a second marriage for both and he raised my girls. I am 5 hours away from my hometown and have built a life here.
Thanks for listening.