Wish I could like the holidays again

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Registered: 02-22-1999
Wish I could like the holidays again
6
Sat, 12-01-2012 - 5:54pm
OK my momentary pity party is starting.... I just can no longer get into the holidays. Jan. 5th is D-day 2nd anniversary. Dec. 4th, 2010 was when they did the deed. And 2 weeks prior to that was when they first "went out" so to say. Which puts everything right in the middle of the holidays from Thanksgiving to New Years. Including our birthdays. All I remember was gift s I had gotten him that were to make his traveling for work easier/funner and him complaining to her online about his gifts that I just don't understand him and that he doesn't like traveling so why get him stuff related to that. This doesn't even touch on the Christmas party that I didn't really get why people were looking at me about 4 years ago. It was because they all thought he was having an A with a coworker. Turns out that one was an EA. Meanwhile I have three kids that are looking to me to make holidays fun. I am in school so that doesn't help either. It just seems like the holidays went from my favorite time of year to just something to get through. I guess this will be another year of fake it til you make it like last year was. :-( Now to just get out of this pity party...
Avatar for pater_familia
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Registered: 09-12-2008
Fri, 12-14-2012 - 9:44am

It's been four years now and I don't catch myself having the annaversary blues like I once did. That isn't to say that my eye's aren't wide open now. My spose is now is grad school working on her masters but this time she doesn't hang out with the boys and her school is close to my work so I've met most of her classmates. An older man hit on her in the library and she called me right in the middle of it to discuss when I was going to pick her up. That stuff is just going to happen and it is up to both of us to protect our relationship. No more chances.

Tonight she's taking the kiddos down to her home-town were our oldest just finished his third semester. They are going to spend the night and bring our oldest back tomorrow for the hollidays. I told my spouse four years ago that we would never go back to that town ever again and yet presently my oldest is going to college there and staying with his grandparents. He is a nursing student with academic and music scholarships so we go down for his concerts. It is a nice little college town. High desert, 12,000 foot mountains, no bars, just farmers and turkeys. I'm actually glad he could have this experience and I was down there a few weeks ago and don't think I even thought about her affair there. But boy I did a few years ago.

I hope you can find a way to move on and find simple pleasures to enjoy.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

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Registered: 06-02-2012
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 12:42am

Pity on I say! I totally get it. My H's A went from a few weeks after our anniversary to after New Year's, so Halloween, my bIrthday, Thanksgiving, New Year's and my son's semi Annual Karate Tournament, not to mention other sepecial events, are tanted memories.

Makes me sick too all the effort I put into trying to enjoy all these special occasions, even working on costumes for his work dress up days, including a dress for his AP. Days which of course he spent with her. As far as I know, the only one of these occasions he didn't spend with her was my birthday, although he made it absolutely miserable for me.

Things change when we know the truth, we see things differently. We have different memories than they do. He says he was torn and tries to remember the happy parts of those days. Just today a souvenir from a trip he took with our son after Christmas got messed up. He was sad. i was glad, because I was manipulated into believing his A had ended only so i would let my son go with him on this trip. We talked everyday on this trip because I thought we were trying to sort things out, but now I know he was making my son go to bed alone so he could call her every night. He was with her the morning his flight left and the same night his flight landed. He rememberd that as a good trip, good times. Just thinking about the trip makes me sick. So I asked what "happy parts" does he expect me to hold onto? The lies, the manipulation, the manipulations, the betrayal?

Do you say anything to your H? We are still together, and I try not to bring up every little thing  that bothers me but today that souvenir put me over the top, to see him so sad, made me so mad. I wish I had advice, but at least know you are not the only one struggling this holiday.

HUGS TO YOU 

Bettie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 11:06pm

Well, gosh, I can see why the holidays get you down.  Just TOO MUCH, too many reminders of all those things.  It's enough to drive you nuts.  You know, just today I finished up a 10-day program at an area hospital designed to help depressed/anxious people.  I point blank asked when you're down a black hole and know some things you COULD do to help yourself but you don't, is it that you can't help yourself....or just that you won't.  The response was "both", some days you can get yourself in gear and do things to help....and sometimes you just can't.  They also advised to never hold back tears - it merely adds to anxiety in the end.  There's a lot of hurt in your post, lots of things that really devastated you or just plain old HURT, so I don't see a pity party, I just see reality and a lot of unfortunate reminders of this time of year.  Hang in there, you're doing okay.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 10:35pm
Yes, we are still together. Not as tight as we once were, but not as far apart either. Just like everything it is just different. Today was an ok day. Thankfully, I have a terrific job that I adore and it kept me very busy. Tonight I am logging into my classroom to do some homework. Just stay busy til everything passes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2012
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 11:27am

I'm new here, so don't know most of the stories. Are you and your husband still together? If so, how are you two doing together?

Can totally imagine that today is a difficult day Frown

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2012
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 11:26am
I'm new here, so don't know most of the stories. Are you and your husband still together? If so, how are you two doing together? Can totally imagine that today is a difficult day :-(