Wish I wasn't here...
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|Sun, 05-17-2009 - 8:56pm|
Five weeks ago, on Easter Sunday, my husband confessed that he had an affair with a woman that he works with. We have been together for over 14 years and have 3 children. The affair lasted just under a month. He had sex with her twice, but then was so consumed with guilt that he told me what was going on. The past 5 weeks have been torture for me. Before the affair, I trusted him completely. I never, ever thought that he was capable of doing this. He feels terrible about what he did and is willing to do whatever it takes to make this right. He has cut off all contact with the other woman and we have started seeing a counselor. I was reading through this message board and it's comforting to know that everything I'm feeling is normal in this situation. Sometimes I hate him, sometimes I'm sad, then angry, then confused. I feel a strong urge to get in contact with the other woman so that I can tell her exactly what I think about her. Our marriage counselor has advised against that for now. I just can't get the images of them together out of my head. I just can't stop thinking about it. I feel so empty and helpless. I know that he loves me and I love him, but I just can't figure out how to get these thoughts out of my head. I just can't believe that he risked everything. He's been dealing with some psychological issues over the past year, and unfortunately, I wasn't there for him. I feel like I drove him to this. I understand WHY he did this, but I just don't understand how he could have done this, knowing that it would hurt me so badly. He tells me that it didn't have anything to do with the way he feels about me and that he never intended to leave me for her. His emotional needs weren't being met, and the other woman saw how needy he was and she swooped right in on him.
I know that I need to take it one day at a time. It just hurts so deeply.